Tweets About Being Single

Sometimes it can feel kind of shitty to be single, especially on Sunday evenings when you're shame spiraling from your drunken Saturday night antics.

It gets worse when we get masochistic and decide it's a good idea to get on social media and gaze at a sea of pictures of COUPLES snuggling.

Your thoughts quickly go dark. "Holy shit, everyone is in LOVE and getting married and I'm sitting here hungover AF, spooning my laptop, eating a jar of peanut butter with a spoon. What am I doing with my life?"

Your body fills with panic. Your mouth feels dry. You feel like a loser who is destined to die alone.

Girl, I'm telling you, stop that shit right now. Change that dialogue that's replaying in your head and ponder the opposite!

But hey, I get it. The world can feel like an alienating place for single creatures. So when you're sitting around sulking and getting sad about basic Suzy Q and her basic white wedding dress, I want you to click the fuck out of Suzy Q's Instagram.

In fact, click out of Instagram completely. All it is is a stupid highlight reel of people's boring lives.

Go on Twitter instead. It's much more raw and honest. "#ReasonsIAintInARealtionship" is trending on Twitter and it's providing some GREAT insight about why being single is the best.

Seriously, these tweets will make you HAPPY to be SINGLE AS A DOLLAR BILL, honey!

You have very high standards...

I always say the more smart and fabulous you are, the harder it is to meet someone who is your match.

You have far more important work to do.

You can't be in a relationship when you have this kind of workload, babes. It's a full-time job.

You're married to your art.

You're already in a deep, committed relationship with your ART.

It's more fun to complain about being single than it is to date.

It's so much fun to salaciously BITCH about your singleness than it is to go on dates with boring, basic people.

You would rather eat than have terrible sex.


You just want to slug back your wine and EAT something satisfying, girl.

Music and the internet are more fierce than dating websites.

You would rather be a crazy cat lady any day of the week.

Who needs anything except a sweet, snuggly, loyal, furry PUSSY CAT?

You're too busy and important.

When you're important and successful, who the hell has a second in the day to focus on another human being?

Your lifestyle is too high risk and exciting to bring another person into it.

I like to think of myself as a girl who leads too much of a rock-star, high-risk, exciting relationship to be tethered to someone.

You prefer to be single, baby!


Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe being SINGLE is a choice? Maybe I'm just happier doing my own thing?

You're waiting for someone worth your damn time.


But there always is this possibility...