Trust Your Instincts: Why Your Boyfriend's Female BFF Weirds You Out


Relationships are full of obstacles that challenge trust; this is never more relevant than when your partner has a best friend of the opposite sex.

This is a delicate situation because you don't want to be the jealous girlfriend, full of insecurities, but at the same time, you don't want to have to compete with his BFF.

This is beyond reasonable, despite the protests from guys who label you as the green-eyed monster.

Your boyfriend probably likes having a girl best friend because he gets the perks of having a female around without the arguments, issues and financial burden.

Additionally, when a guy does fight with his girlfriend, the first person he will go to is the female best friend.

She is uniquely able to position herself to be there when the guy in the relationship needs her, and this only solidifies their friendship further.

Having been in both the position of best friend and threatened girlfriend, I am now wholly convinced having a person of the opposite sex as a best friend is about as possible as awesome-tasting food without calories.

At some point in this so-called friendship, there is an imbalance of feelings, which makes a platonic friendship impossible; thus, it's nothing short of mental torture for one of the two parties.

Scientific American published research that supports the belief we are not capable of remaining “just friends” with members of the opposite sex.

The results of the research imply there are considerable gender differences in how men and women approach opposite-sex friendships.

It seems men are much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa, and men are also more liable than women to think their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them.

By contrast, females in general were not attracted to their male friends and believed this lack of attraction was mutual.

So, consequently, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction, and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction their male friends felt.

This sounds reminiscent of the "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" cliché, but it is very much a reality; we are wired differently and seek different things in our relationships.

I’m not suggesting men and women cannot be friends in any form. I’m well aware that in everyday life, there are friendships between guys and girls who manage to cooperate together just fine and without miscommunication.

It is the label of "best friend" to which I'm referring. There is most definitely a big difference between a good mate and a best friend.

When I hear someone referring to another person as his or her best friend, it indicates a deep level of intimacy and implies platonic attraction to this person above all others.

The platonic qualification is only applicable in instances when said best friend also happens to be someone with whom you couldn't possibly want to have sex.

If someone already has an emotional and intellectual attraction to someone, it is very probable there is a physical attraction, no matter how much one denies or avoids it.

The bottom line is to be cautious of any female your boyfriend labels as a best friend. If you have suspicions, trust your instincts.

If you don’t generally classify yourself as the jealous type, but this friendship bothers you, you should investigate further — investigate, don't attack.