Lately, I’ve been attracting emotionally unavailable men. I have one of those highly sensitive personalities that naturally pushes me to gravitate toward emotionally unavailable guys. They tend to be overly confident, cocky and thrive from feeling desired and needed. One evening, after returning home from a date with yet another emotionally unavailable, narcissistic guy, I realized that I must do something to stop my sad trend.
Narcissists tend to be emotionally unavailable, and well, in love with themselves. Incapable of empathy, narcissists are constantly on the search for attention and admiration, and have no trouble manipulating others to reach their goals. I am by no means attracted to those qualities, however, since narcissists are experts in manipulation, too often, I fall for the charm.
So, to help me avoid narcissists and those who are emotionally unavailable in the future, I have conjured a list of red flags and tips to help myself. Check it out — maybe it can help you, too.
1. Confidence is sexy, while overconfidence is not.
There is nothing more attractive than a genuinely confident guy. However, being over confident is a completely different story, especially if it’s for no apparent reason. If a guy blabbers for the entirety of dinner about how he’s going to be rich and famous and live in a mansion in Beverly Hills, ask yourself how earnest and realistic his aspirations are. Usually, these kinds of guys are contradictions of themselves.
2. He blows hot and cold.
Nothing is more frustrating than trying to figure out a guy who sends mixed messages. If one week he contacts you constantly, then you don't hear from him again for the next two weeks, he doesn't know what he wants — end of story.
3. You think he would be perfect, if only he just changed "X" about him.
Accept the guy you see in front of you; do not let yourself fantasize about his potential. Making him fall in love with you will not inspire him to change suddenly and become who you think he has the potential to become. If he is to change, he needs to want to change for himself.
4. He talks about others as if they are "beneath" him.
This is an obvious sign of arrogance. If he talks about others — including friends, coworkers and family — as if he is so much better than they are, avoid him.
5. He is only interested in himself.
These types of guys are generally very self-absorbed and are incapable of connecting with you emotionally. If you find yourself constantly giving and giving and giving, but receiving nothing in return, don't expect things to suddenly change. Don't be the girl he falls back on for an ego boost.
So if you can recognize that you keep dating a certain kind of guy, hoping it will work out differently, realize this: It won't. Identical behaviors are likely to yield identical results.
Being attracted to a specific type of guy — whether it's a narcissist, "bad boy" or just someone who is emotionally unavailable — can lead to a cycle that can be quite difficult to break. Take the focus off the guy and bring it to yourself; once you learn to treat yourself better, with more love and respect and avoid the guys who display any of the above symptoms, you’ll likely find yourself a different, and hopefully more successful, result.
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