I've dated my fair share of men. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way about the key factors that make up a good relationship.
Although some of these relationships seemed like a complete waste of time and energy, they gave me the opportunity to discover some major things about dating and, most importantly, myself.
Here are some essential things to keep in mind when dating:
26. Shhh, stay mysterious.
If you tell him your life story on the first date, he has nothing else to learn from you. Let him ask the right questions and earn your trust.
25. Don't let him move in right away.
Because he will, and he will get comfortable. Letting him move in right away allows him to know everything will come easy for him.
Don't be a pushover. Make sure he's there for you, not your resources.
24. Give yourself space.
Don't text him constantly; let him work for your attention.
He needs to show you that you matter to him.
23. He likes you, so get over it.
"I love your lips. You're so sexy. I like your eyes."
Casually thank him, but know physical compliments are not a big deal.
Be more flattered by the fact he pays attention to what you are saying and can reference things you told him in past conversations.
22. Pay attention to how he treats others.
How does he act around friends and family? Observe this behavior because this is likely who he really is.
If he's a dick around friends or doesn't respect his mom, that's a red flag!
21. Cocky guys are corny.
If he spends too much time admiring his beautiful face in the mirror, cleaning his precious Js and taking 100 selfies a day, he doesn't have love to spare. He's too in love with himself.
Self-confidence is cool and all, but let's be honest: We don't want a cocky bastard for a boyfriend.
Character is more important than swag.
20. "Let's watch Netflix" is code for "I wanna f*ck."
Movies at home are cool and all, but wait until later in the relationship, once you've gotten to know each other better.
If a guy invites you over early in the relationship to watch a movie, he just wants to f*ck.
Just say no, and suggest to go out to a public place.
19. Wrap it up.
Suggest going to get checked together. Don't be ashamed of this. If he doesn't seem interested or keeps making excuses, he's likely only interested in f*cking and not anything serious.
If he could get some ass easy elsewhere, why would he waste time going to a clinic to get some from you? Make sense?
18. Don't talk about your ex. Just don't.
Comparing is unhealthy. He's your ex for a reason. You left him because he didn't meet your standards. All you need to think about is whether this new guy is meeting them and hopefully, he's exceeding them.
17. Set higher standards.
Having a car, job and nice gear are just the bare minimum. What about his qualities?
16. Don't sext too soon.
Hold off talking about sex for as long as possible.
Try to take note of how often or how soon he makes a sexually suggestive joke or remark. This could be a sign he just wants to get some.
15. Talk about things that matter.
Talk about what inspires both of you, your interests and your families. Don't talk about how you got turnt last weekend.
(There's this cool app called SoTellMe that can help you get to know him by asking interesting random questions.)
14. Kiss him on the first date.
You read that right. It's a good test to see if you're sexually compatible. If he's a bad kisser, it could be a turnoff and a sign there isn't sexual chemistry.
Don't ask him how many girls he's been with. It's not your business. It will only disappoint you and make you self-conscious.
12. Go on different kinds of dates.
F*ck dinner and a movie. Try something new!
Go to a completely random restaurant neither of you have been to. That way, it'll be a first experience for the both of you. First experiences together build trust.
11. Why is your homeboy here?
A decent man wouldn't bring you around his friends until you're well-established in the relationship (unless you had mutual friends prior to dating).
He knows his boys are dogs. If he takes you to his boy's house early, it's to show you off. Don't be his trophy.
10. Don't talk about your dream wedding.
This will scare the sh*t out of him, especially if it sounds like something from a Disney movie. Save that conversation for later — way later.
9. What pisses him off?
Every guy will be on his A-game when you first start dating, so you won't get to see much of his bad side. Take note of his pet peeves and what his habits are, both good and bad.
The way you do one thing is the way you do all things!
8. Wisdom over swagger.
Don't date a guy younger than you.
Although there are still some older guys who are losers, younger guys are still in their experimental years. You'll just be a guinea pig for them or a really great catch. But trust me; it won't last.
7. If he smokes reefer.
Pay attention to how often he smokes. Is it controlled, or is it a habit? Is he one of those guys who needs it to control his moods? If so, you're in trouble. You're with a guy who can't control or take responsibility for his emotions and is likely short-tempered.
6. Does he actually give a f*ck?
Does he consider you when making decisions about where to go and what to eat? Does he remember what you like?
Is he romantic and clever with date planning? Does he know how to have fun with you and make you laugh all night long? This is what you want, not some self-centered loser.
5. Excuses, excuses.
"I got hurt before so I have issues trusting and loving."
Attention: bullsh*t alert
If he tells you this because you notice lack of affection on his end, run far, far away.
You're heading into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, and he will not sympathize with your lonely feelings. He will be an insensitive prick, and he is likely still in love with his ex.
4. Make sure you have the same basic core values.
- Don't try to be his savior or his mom.
- It's not your job to teach him how to treat a lady.
- It's not your job to try to convert him into believing what you believe.
If you're not on the same page at a fundamental level, nothing stable or lasting will over come of it. It will inevitably come crashing down.
3. Don't ignore his faults.
Don't waste your time magnifying the few good qualities he has and ignoring all the bad sh*t. You will be extremely unhappy if you do this.
Don't set your standards lower so he can reach them. Life should not revolve around pleasing him.
2. Make it off-limits for a while.
I know it's super hard to hold back when you're both alone and have not explored each others bodies yet. It may seem almost impossible because you just want him so badly, and you know he wants you.
But, you need to resist!
Go for a walk, suggest to play a game or take a cold shower.
1. Don't be a drama queen.
Men hate that sh*t. It's much easier to solve a problem by expressing your feelings through conversation.
I guarantee breaking his iPhone 6 will not make matters better. Don't be that girlfriend; it's not cute.
Well, unless he cheats on you. Then you can put his precious iPhone 6 in a box. And then you can put that box in another box. And then you can mail that box to yourself. And when it arrives, you can smash that sh*t with a hammer.
What are some lessons you've learned from dating sh*tty guys? Leave a comment below!