I've always lived by the old saying, "Don't shit where you eat," because, let's be honest, it's messy and awkward. Besides, finding a decent apartment that's also appropriately priced for a broke, unemployed college grad is close to impossible.
That's why I was in for a huge surprise when my apartment rental service for the summer also turned out to be a spot-on matchmaker.
Here is how a summer affair with your roommate unfolds in 10 steps:
1. You realize you're attracted to your roommate
I still hadn't met him for a few days after moving in. The other two roommates tell me he's "away on business," which is why my jaw drops when a 6'3" sex god with baby blond hair and blue eyes walks into my living room and introduces himself as I'm eating Emmental straight out of the box in a baggy t-shirt.
2. You have that one innocent drink
Coming home from a week of touring with his band (I mean, seriously, how hot does that sound?), roomie asks me to tag along for a drink. One harmless beer turns into a two-day bender -- because that's a totally normal pastime in Barcelona -- and we wake up naked on a rooftop.
3. You hook up for the first time
"Oh, shit!" So we're lying naked together, trying to recall exactly how we got there, but more importantly, waiting to see who'll bite the bullet and speak first. We laugh it off as #ThisHappened, and agree that we won't make a big deal out of it.
4. You establish a normal relationship at home
Everything goes back to normal, although I opt for shorter shorts than I used to wear around the house. We watch TV together, but I no longer let pieces of cheese hang out of my mouth. After all, the man has seen me naked and I want to preserve the good impression.
5. You look for an excuse to do it
So the first time we did it, we were both drunk. It's kind of a tease to see each other at home all the time, so we decide to go watch the soccer game and knock back a few beers. Rooting for his national team is the perfect excuse to drink a bit too much and end up going at it all night. At least I don't have to do the walk of shame in the morning because I live just two rooms down.
6. You throw new people in the mix
The past few weeks of us hooking up have been amazing, but we both start fearing that emotion will creep up into our good arrangement, so we decide to be wingmen for each other, and go home with other people for a change.
7. You end up back together
We deserve a huge pat on the back for finding other people at the beach party and going home with them. Things, however, don't end up all that great. My new guy has zero skill and his new girl falls asleep before even doing anything with him. We both crawled back to each other in the morning and agree that our sex is a million times better.
8. You establish boundaries
Recovering from a bad hangover, we inevitably end up in a each other's arms on the couch one evening. It feels amazing, but we have to set clear boundaries right away. Neither of us wants to date the other, or anyone for that matter, so whatever happens between us is just sex and friendship.
9. You realize you care about each other
When clumsy me comes back home with an infected knee because I was too reckless out there, he goes and buys me disinfecting spray and makes sure I clean the wound. He also helps me with my job search and makes sure my applications are perfect. He obviously cares, but I'm not flipping out just yet. Friends care like that too, right?
10. You are thrilled by the unknown
I know I'll be living with this guy for the entire summer, and I can't wait for all the fun nights and occasional couch cuddles that await. I definitely keep my guard up to make sure neither develops any tender emotion, but I feel comfortable enough to hang out, cook for each other, ask for advice and pet each other's hair.
Where do roommate hookups go? To be honest, I don't know quite yet, but isn't the guessing game the best part?