I've always been frightened by marriage because the idea of settling down and being basic and boring just doesn't appeal to me.
But then I got older and I saw really cool people get married. I saw girls marry girls and boys marry boys and manage to not lose their identity in the process. I even went to some cool wedding where the brides didn't dress like the creepy virgin sacrifice (who are you trying to fool with that white dress, babe?). And now the idea doesn't really scare me (as much).
Because see, I've learned you can still live a wild, salacious life whilst married. In fact, I don't know if marriage really changes anything about a person.
But you know, I live in Manhattan and we're weird in this town. We look at the world differently. And this study is another blazing example that I live in a bubble.
According to a new study by the Ohio State's Center for Human Resource Research, if you think you're going to get married within the next five years, you will tame down your behavior. Researchers discovered teens and young adults commit less delinquent acts if marriage is on the brain.
Researchers discovered teens and young adults commit less delinquent acts if marriage is on the brain.
Other studies have shown married people commit less crimes, but this is the first study to show young people will "straighten" up their act just by thinking about marriage.
Participants were asked to estimate the chance they would be married in five years. They were also asked whether they had committed certain delinquent acts -- including property theft, personal assault, drug dealing and property destruction -- since the last time they were interviewed for the study.
On average, participants in 2000 thought there was a 43 percent chance they would be married within five years, increasing to 48 percent in 2001. And by 2001, the number of young people having committed delinquent acts had dropped -- with 1,273 people reporting an average of 1.62 incidents of misconduct compared to 1,492 people averaging 1.74 such acts in 2000.
So yes, babes, if you're a wild delinquent, the only way to get your act together is to act like "marriage material." And I guess marriage material (in most parts of the country) means not dealing drugs, stealing or doing graffiti on public property.
Just close your pretty delinquent eyes and imagine yourself as a bride. According to this study, you will start acting like a prim lady in no time. Your drug dealing ways will dissipate and you will be a good, positive member of society.
Now anytime I even think about doing something naughty, I'll just visualize myself being a traditional bride. It's the answer to all of my problems.