The One Who Won't Go Away: How To Deal With Your Boyfriend's Female BFF

by Moriah Boone

Falling in love is scary. It's a crazy mixture of anxiety, fear, joy, excitement and confusion all rolled up into one tempting package.

Love can be absolutely wonderful or terribly tragic, but what do you do when amidst all these factors, there's another person vying for your lover's attention?

I'm talking about the best girl friend. You probably know her: She's the one person who seems to be in the neighborhood on a consistent basis, which enables her to drop by your guy's house at any time of day.

She's the one who calls late at night to talk and the one he shares a million inside jokes with. She's also the one who jokes with your guy about how he might act if he were single at all those parties he accompanies her to.

While this may test your patience, the question you need to ask yourself is, how you can find a balance between your inevitable feelings of jealousy and a healthy level of trust?

From someone who has been part of a close friendship with a man before, I can say that it's hard not to develop feelings for your best friend, especially when you both seem to be having difficulty within your own relationships.

Your best friend has seen you at your best, your worst and your drunkest and still cares very deeply about you. But where exactly is the line between being a best friend and being more?

Whether you're the best friend or the girlfriend, in order to find exactly where the line is, you're going to have to ask yourself a few questions:

1. How would I feel if my boyfriend hated my best friend?

If your answer is that it would suck, you're right. It would suck that someone who plays such an important part in your life doesn't get along with the other most important person in your life.

Talk to your guy and ask him the same question. His response will give you an idea of how to respond to the current situation without stepping on anybody's toes.

2. How far is too far?

Where do you personally draw the line when it comes to your guy and his best girl friend? Are you okay with them spending time alone together, or do you wait to draw the line until she playfully sits on his lap during an intense game of Halo to block his view of the television screen?

You're his girlfriend, and you are allowed to express your feelings maturely and openly about the things that make you uncomfortable. Have a talk with him and ask to set some ground rules to prevent any future miscommunication.

Most likely, the reason for problems in your relationship will be a result of a misunderstanding about him and his best friend, not because something actually happened.

3. How can I find a happy compromise between all parties?

How can you solve this problem as a mature adult? If you find that you just can't get past the fact that your guy has such a close friendship with a girl, or if you have solid evidence that it has become more than just a friendship, it may be time to call it quits.

Just be sure you're not ending a good thing until you've exhausted every last option in solving the problem. The best relationship you can be in is one where you and your guy are able to have your own friends and your own separate lives, in addition to the one you share.

There has to be compromises and mutual trust, and if you can't quite handle that, maybe it's just not the right time to be in a relationship.

Once you identify what exactly it is that you're uncomfortable with and where that line is, you can go about the issue with a level head to be sure that line is never crossed. The best solution is to talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend and his best girl friend about how you are feeling.

If he is really invested in you like he should be, he will understand the way you feel and will be willing to make compromises for the relationship. If this girl really does have her best friend's interest at heart, she'll understand and will try her best to befriend you and stay his friend without getting in the way.

If not, they're really not the kind of people you want to spend a whole lot of time around anyway!

Besides, you know what they say: There are plenty of fish in the sea... ones that don't already have barnacles attached to them. 

Photo via Gossip Girl