What has occurred to me from getting to know our generation is that people nowadays are afraid of love. They stopped believing in it, and think it is something that will make you weak, dependent, hurt and broken. Well, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you that there is no need to fear love, for it is something that humanity needs and depends on. As humans, we were shaped by evolution to be very social, to need each other and a life without love is not a full life for us at all.
To love someone can indeed be scary because you are essentially opening up and giving yourself to a person, you are giving them power over your emotions. When you open up to someone like that, it is easy to get hurt, and often that is the case. Getting hurt by someone you love is probably the worst feeling in the world. But what is important to understand is that people are just people. Often people do things without understanding what effect they might have on another person.
The human mind is very complex: all people have insecurities and are scared of getting hurt. Our minds work so differently from each other. What you believe in, someone else might not understand at all, simply because they have had a different history, life experiences, family, and so on.
If people hurt you, or are careless with you, it often has nothing to do with you because how a person acts is a projection of their own reality. So, for example, if someone on the street gives you a dirty look, it’s not because they don’t like you. It is most likely because that is their personality, maybe they are scared of you due to their insecurities, or maybe they just aren’t happy with their life. That person who hurt you is probably just immature: so you should feel bad for them, not for yourself.
The same goes for when you love someone. Don’t expect that person to always understand you, how you feel, or what you want. People are so different, and if something they are doing is hurting you, they might just not get it. Communication is key. If you tell a person what you want, and if they care about you, they will be glad to do it or to change their attitude. If they do not want to change their ways, they should explain why to you, and maybe you will understand their point.
People do not know how to be perfect, so it’s important to be patient and understanding. Confidence and ability to have a good relationship comes with experience and growth. To grow, we need to have some relationships and learn from them. So don’t be afraid. Even if you get hurt, and chances are you will be, you will learn, and yes, you will be a better person afterward. Be open to learning from relationships, but don’t let go of your values. Whatever life throws at you, there is always a purpose behind it.
You may ask, why should I bother with love, and not just have a series of f*ck buddies throughout my life? Well because, when you do find love, it will be the most empowering thing that will ever happen to you. I cannot describe the feeling, but you will know it when it comes. That look someone gives you when they fall for you, is indescribable. To be cherished by someone is an incredible feeling. Having people in your life that you can trust to be there should you need them, will give you irreplaceable confidence, calmness, maturity -- and most importantly -- happiness.
But love does not have to be exclusively romantic, it can be for family or a friend. If you look around, some people out there have a glow and a noticeably strong sense of self. That is actually because those people have been given unconditional love by at least one person in their life, usually their parents. Being loved unconditionally by at least one person in your life is necessary to develop a positive self-image and strength.
I will take Gisele Bündchen as an example. The woman is amazing, so successful and beautiful, yet so humble. Gisele has said many times that her strength comes from the love of her family, and that she has very supportive parents. If you ask any other strong and inspiring person, they will often say their strength comes from the love in their life. You should strive to build some type of love in your life, because it will make you whole.
I am young, and just like you I want to enjoy my life as much as I can. But I know love is possible because I have seen it. I am not saying go out looking for love in every person you meet. Right now we need to have fun, get life experiences and surely we all need to go through some failed relationships and grow enough from them, to eventually find one that will last.
All I am saying is to be open to someday sincerely loving someone. Even if it ends up being that you find someone to love when you are 67, then that’s the way the universe decided it should be for you. But don’t reject the one thing that can make you whole, simply out of fear.
Photo Credit: The Paper Wall