What To Say If You Think Someone's Ghosting You
So maybe you weren't expecting Tinder to lead you to a lasting relationship. Maybe you were looking to hook up a few times or have fun for a single night.
Your expectations might have been minimal, but when somebody ghosts you, you still feel a sting.
Unless you were completely swept away by your ghost before they stopped responding to your texts, it's probably fair to guess that their sudden disappearance won't leave you with lasting damage.
Still, you're entitled to find out what happened, even if it does feel desperate to keep texting someone who isn't answering.
Have no fear. You don't have to keep sending message after message, hoping one will stick. If you have good reason to think he's ghosting you, one of these messages might be all you need to say:
1. "Please Tell Me If You're Not Interested In Seeing Me Again. It Sucks To Be Left In The Lurch."
This is the most straightforward text that I can think of, as it gives somebody the opportunity to be honest, while also stating in plain language how you feel.
I think that the worst thing about dating on the internet is that it means you sometimes don't feel empowered to be open with your emotions. That's because Tinder and platforms like it can feel a bit like you're hiding behind a well-constructed persona.
Or you could look at it this way: Texting and social media profiles make it so you can say whatever you want, especially if it means standing up for yourself.
I might make a lot of jokes about ghosting, but it's legitimate to be bothered when you have spent some amount of time with someone, expect to hear from them again, and then get crickets as a response. You're not hiding. Why should they?
2. "Did I Do Something To Offend You?"
I have gotten this one myself after not responding to somebody for a significant period of time. To be fair, I wasn't actively trying to ghost. I wasn't interested in continuing the relationship, while at the same time, I was afraid of letting her down. That led me to a standstill.
Getting this text, though, jolted me into action. I didn't want the girl I had been seeing to believe that my lack of response was a reflection of her. It was entirely, 100 percent on me. I tried to make that clear in my response.
Granted, I don't know if Tinder attracts the most compassionate of people, but I like to believe that everybody is basically OK deep down. People ghost because they don't want to feel guilty. Hopefully, they aren't willing to let you feel like it's your fault.
3. "This Isn't Me Being Clingy, This Is Me Being Disrespected."
Especially when it's a male-identifying person ghosting on me, it's easy to feel like I am crazed if I continue to send a lot of texts after they stop responding. Also, I'm what they call a "rapid fire" texter, meaning that I'll send 12 separate messages to his single one. I like breaking up my paragraphs, OK?
The consequence is that if somebody stops answering me, it takes me a minute to realize it. That's when the self-loathing can start.
No matter how independent and full of self-love I get, there's always that tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm a crazy woman. I feel like I can just imagine him showing my texts to his friends and joking about how obsessed I am with him after just a single hookup.
The best way to combat that feeling is to argue against it. Even if your argument is taking place between you and your imagination, you can still put it in text form. Depending on how his parents raised him, if he knows he's disrespecting you, then he might be motivated to text back.
4. "Hey Bro, Really Not Cool To Have Sex With Someone And Then Drop Them."
This is the language of the oppressor: the spoiled, rich, frat boy who can get away with whatever he wants. Sometimes, you need to use it to get him to hear you.
Even if your ghost doesn't directly fit the classic bro description, there's nothing more f*ckboy than treating you like a rental car left at the overnight drop.
(By the way, f*ckboys and bros come in all forms, so you're not misgendering anyone by calling them out as one.)
In my experience, bros hate being called what they are. And there's no better way to get a bro to text you back then by getting a rise out of them.
Be warned: If he does, you might not want to respond.
5. "TBH, I Hope You Get Ghosted. Bye!"
What goes around comes around, and while you might feel pressure to be mature when you're suspecting somebody of ghosting, you definitely don't owe it to them. Ghosting itself is a pretty immature thing to do.
You're entitled to your emotions, including anger and disappointment. If you've sent at least one of the above messages, and they aren't getting back to you, I think it's totally appropriate to leave them with a parting curse.
If they get back to you in a few days, explaining that they dropped their phone in the toilet? No harm, no foul.