If You Don't Know Whether You Should Text Him First, Ask Yourself This Question

by Candice Jalili

You guys met the other night and TOTALLY hit it off.

It was like straight out of a movie. You noticed him from across the bar, he made his way over to you. You exchanged some excellent banter, and finally, you went home together.

The only thing better than your chemistry at the bar was your chemistry between the sheets.

You go home the next day and check your phone to see if you have any texts from him... zip, zilch, nothing.

Maybe he'll text you tomorrow. But tomorrow rolls around and still... nothing.

OR maybe this isn't even a guy you just met.

Maybe this is a guy you've been talking to for the past few months (maybe even years). It's nothing serious, but the two of you text pretty regularly and hook up sporadically.

But he hasn't initiated conversation with you in days, which is kind of weird for him. And now you've just seen a funny meme on Instagram you want to tag him in.

(OK, fine. You may or may not have actively searched for this "funny meme" for an excuse to talk to him... no worries, this is a judgment-free zone).

No matter what the case, you've reached a crossroads of sorts: Do you text him first, or do you sit around waiting for him to make the first move?

Do you text him first, or do you sit around waiting for him to make the first move?

I just so happen to be in a relationship now, but before that I was very, very, VERY single. In fact, I spent 23 straight years of my life being single (minus a brief stint with a now-gay boyfriend when I was in sixth grade).

Needless to say, I have plenty of experience with the whole "should I or shouldn't I text him" debacle.

There's one question you need to ask yourself.

If you text him first, do you genuinely think he'll put in the effort?

After a lots of confusing almost-relationships, I eventually came up with this rule of thumb for myself.

If you text him first, do you genuinely think he'll put in the effort?

I had been talking to a guy pretty consistently for a couple of months, but it had been a few days since I last heard from him. I was doing the usual crazy girl overthinking thing.

Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?! Do I text him first or does that make me desperate?! I should just say something. Ugh, no, I shouldn't.

I was discussing this dilemma of mine with one of my guy friends when he finally gave me the best advice I've ever gotten. He asked, why did I feel it was my responsibility to make the move right now?

I admitted I was afraid that if I didn't say something, he never would and this whole "relationship" would fizzle out just as casually as it began.

My friend reminded me that if I am genuinely concerned about that happening, this relationship probably isn't worth my time. And you know what? He's right.

So from then on, I asked myself that question before I considered sending any and all first texts.

If your answer is yes, then go ahead and send the text.

That means this person is someone who is just as invested in this relationship as I am, and I am confident in that fact. This is someone who would never judge me for shooting that first text. Someone who will probably be excited I texted first.

This is someone who will probably be excited I texted first.

Odds are, you aren't even stressing about texting this guy because you trust him enough to know he would never leave you twisting in the wind for too long.

That's a guy who deserves your time and energy.

If your answer is a no, then hold off on sending the text.

Obviously, this is easier said than done.

Remember when I said you trust the other guy not to leave you twisting in the wind for too long? Well, you don't trust this guy to do the same.

As much as you hate to admit it, part of you really does fear that your relationship (or whatever it is) would completely fizzle out if you don't put in enough effort.

Stop wasting your time.

I know it's hard, but you deserve better than a guy who isn't willing to put in the work to be with you.