Why The Terrible People You Keep Dating Are The Keys To Finding Love

by Paul Hudson

If you have a room filled with 23 people, what are the chances that at least two of those people have exactly the same birthday? The answer is 50 percent. This is what is called the "birthday paradox." Be my guest -- try to figure out the calculations yourself.

I’ll give you a hint: Don’t calculate the chances of at least two people having the same birthday. Instead, calculate the chances of NO two people having the same birthday. You see, sometimes in life the easiest way to find the right answer is to find all of the wrong answers first.

Sometimes the information that you need to come to the right conclusion is simply beyond your abilities or understanding. Sometimes reaching the right answer directly requires too much work, and there are too many variables to calculate. The issue is too complex.

People learn best by getting their hands dirty and making mistakes. And we're always going to do it this way.

This is great news for all of you out there who keep dating all the wrong people. Some of them are terrible. Some of them aren't so horrible, but they're also not right for you.

You need to understand that dating all the wrong people isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it could be the shortest path between you and the love of your life.

People don't know what they're looking for. But they know what they're not looking for.

Date enough of the wrong people, and you’ll certainly and rapidly compile a long list of “hell-nos.” It’s difficult to tell if someone is right for you until you truly get to know each other.

Because people have a tendency to hide their true selves from other people (in order to avoid being hurt or ridiculed), it usually takes a significant amount of time to get to know someone on a deep level.

You may find that you actually don't need a lot of things in a partner that you thought you did. Dating the wrong people teaches you more about yourself then anything else ever could.

Dating the wrong people teaches you who's right.

Sure, you’ve dated some incredibly sh*tty individuals -- we’ve all been there. But chances are that most of the people you dated -- even though things didn’t work out -- did have some great qualities.

Finding your soulmate is so difficult because you don't know right away if someone isn't "it" -- even if you don't know exactly what you're looking for. Even if the person has a handful of great qualities, you won't want to settle for anything less than the whole package.

But each failed relationship teaches you what qualities you're seeking in a partner. You add them to the list you're making in your head.

Love requires practice.

The reality is that finding the right person is not enough to make things work. It's not enough to find someone who is in the right place in life and has the right mindset and characteristics. You also need to be "the one" for your partner.

People always fail to take this into consideration. We’re all so busy trying to find the right person. We're busy figuring out what we want in a lover and trying to understand what works for us. 

We’re so busy doing this that we never bother to think about what it is our partner wants.

Are you the partner your soulmate deserves? Do you have all the qualities, characteristics and wisdom necessary to make the relationship work? This person may be good enough for you, but are you good enough in return?

Life and love are very complicated. Countless variables and calculations are involved. Finding the one may seem impossible. And the truth is that you may never find him or her.

I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s the truth. The only thing you can do is to make sure that you are the person you need to be when -- and if -- you finally get your chance.

Go ahead, date the wrong people. Make your mistakes. Learn from them. Become a better version of yourself; strive for the impossible. With enough time, patience, focus and a little bit of luck, you’ll get your happily ever after.

Take comfort in the fact that if anyone in the world deserves true love, it’s you.

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