I was dumped within the first two weeks of this year and was left heartbroken.
It came out of left field. I was speechless and didn't know what to say. Looking back on it, though, I realized it was not my fault.
We had been together for two and a half years, so it was a decently long relationship.
When he ended our relationship, I was heartbroken and confused. I couldn't articulate words or figure out what I did to deserve this.
Throughout the journey, we had ups and downs. There were triumphs as well as failures. It has been hard to see the real meaning behind it, but looking back, there are factors you need to look for in a relationship that signal he's not ready for a commitment.
1. He doesn't make time.
People tend to make excuses for their significant other when plans get canceled or they don't see them as often as they would like.
They're simply put on the back burner. In my case, he would never make the time for me, and I made the excuses, but when is it enough? How far can the excuses carry the relationship?
If he were ready for commitment, he would work his schedule around you—not the other way around.
Small choices like his gym and meal times are flexible if he really wanted them to be. If he's saying there's no way to fit you in, he probably isn't trying to fit you in.
I am not saying you need to constantly see one another. Everyone needs their personal time to relax and catch up on whatever they need, but if this is a constant topic of conversation, it needs to be addressed.
2. He doesn't make future plans and puts almost everything before you.
When I say "make future plans," I don't mean big plans like marriage and kids, but plans like going to the movies and out to a dinner date.
If he has no issue committing to friends and family, but is unable to commit to you, that's a red flag.
3. The conversation begins to become short.
I always wondered why this happens, and is it really a deal breaker or is he just bad at texting? From my experience, if a guy wants to talk to you, he will. The conversation will flow nicely and it will not feel like pulling teeth.
Of course, I've learned it's not healthy to talk all day, every day. That's how conversation can become stale and opportunity could slip away.
Talk at the end of the day or every other day -- this way the conversation has substance. If it doesn't and his answers are short, it's a subtle way of saying "I'm not interested."
4. Your plans don't matter.
From my experience, my relationship had progressed to the point where we would celebrate holidays or spend time with each other's families. We considered each other to be a part of both families.
Unfortunately, there became this trend where suddenly we could only do things or go away with his family and when it came to mine, there was always an excuse.
There has to be a common balance in a relationship where both parties are equal, especially when it comes to families and loved ones. Both parties need to be respected.
5. He's selfish.
My mother always taught me every relationship is about compromise.
You might not always want to do what your significant other wants to do, but the principle is that hobbies should be shared. If his mindset is "my way or the highway," then a commitment is not for him.
You're both not going to want to do the same things all the time. The best part of relationships is the give and take, when it's equal. These compromises could help you discover something you never expected to like.
What I've learned is not to stress. Don't let the pressure of marrying and having children get to you.
I have learned that it'll happen when the time is right and these theories (although they may seem insignificant at the time) are truly key in a committed relationship. It's something that's learned over time from the many partners that will walk in and out of your life.