In most areas of my life, I'm not indecisive. I can pick a career, I can pick a school, I can pick a friend, and I can pick an apartment.
But what can I not pick? A man.
For some reason, dating seems to be the one and only sector of life in which I completely lose any ability to make a decision.
As you can imagine, this is very problematic for my love life (or lack of it). Here are 20 of the worst struggles that won't leave indecisive daters alone.
1. You can never simply enjoy a date.
You can't "just relax"; you are WAY too busy overanalyzing every move he makes in your futile attempt to decide how you feel about him.
2. You teeter between seeing yourself marrying him and being repulsed by him.
In the span of a few hours, you go from envisioning your fairy-tale wedding on the Amalfi Coast to finding the nearest exit for your immediate escape.
3. You're constantly debating what-ifs.
Well, what IF this does work out, and I really fall for him? And what if we get married, and I convince him to move back to California to be closer to my family, but he decides that California is too sunny and hates it?!!
Or what if he takes off his shoes and has webbed toes? Could I be with someone with webbed toes? Ashton Kutcher has webbed toes!
No, I still couldn’t be with him. That’s f*cking gross. This is doomed.
4. You never have long-term relationships.
You have a hard time being in a long-term relationships, because it involves everything you HATE doing. You hate the idea of picking just one person and knowing what you want out of the relationship.
5. You can never pick the restaurant.
Thai? Italian? Mexican? Japanese? THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OPTIONS.
6. You don’t have a type.
It’s the optimist in you, really. You can see a different kind of greatness in every type of guy.
7. You don’t know what you want.
This makes the whole “What are we doing?” conversation EXTREMELY difficult. Part of you has no energy for dating anyone except The One. But then there’s another part of you that is nowhere NEAR ready for that person.
So where does that leave you?
8. You can’t commit to one person.
Committing to one person involves deciding on one person. Not going to happen.
9. You lose people you actually liked.
This happens when you have trouble committing.
10. You never officially end anything with anyone.
Your flings don't end; they fizzle. You like to leave doors open.
11. You are the master of the “hey stranger” text three months later.
What’s the point of leaving a door open if you aren’t going to walk back through it from time to time, am I right?
12. You lead people on.
You are the ULTIMATE tease. You want to keep him around in case you ever decide that you want something more.
At the same time, you need distance, in case you want to explore other options.
13. You’re always worried about someone better coming along.
You are hyperaware of the number of fish in the sea.
14. You never commit to a plan.
You are the queen of maybes when it comes to planning activities with your boo.
15. So you end up with no plans.
You are so busy “checking your schedule” that you forget to take the time to fill it.
16. You don’t feel guilty, but you question your lack of guilt.
You don’t feel guilty when you bail last minute on that guy who was so into you. But then you find yourself questioning your lack of guilt. Am I evil?
17. You have constant anxiety.
Your world isn't black and white, and living in shades of gray is f*cking stressful.
18. It takes you three days and 47 FaceTimes to pick the perfect first date outfit.
How do you strike the perfect balance between sexy and cute?!
You need to find an outfit that makes him want to boink you right then and there -- and also want to introduce you to his parents the next day.
19. What you value in a partner changes all the time.
Sometimes you find your panties dropping for the investment banker who looks like he just walked fresh out of a Brooks Brothers catalogue.
On other days, you want nothing more than to cozy up on the beach with a hot surfer, smoke a bowl and listen to Slightly Stoopid.
20. You’re constantly deleting and re-downloading dating apps.
One minute, you would rather DIE than have to tell your grandchildren that you met their grandfather on Tinder.
The next, you’re bored, horny and downloading the app for the 85th time today.