Stop Kidding Yourself: Post Break-up Excuses to Stop | Elite Daily

by Casey Cavanagh

The only thing worse than a heartbroken girl is a girl who’s in complete denial about having been dumped.

It is impossible to move past the turbulence of a current relationship while convincing yourself that it isn't really over. Breakups suck but they're a necessary evil. They facilitate growth, provide us with thicker skin and ultimately, push us closer to the right person.

Denial is dangerous. You won't be able to move past the breakup (or ugly-crying and empty pints of ice cream) until you’re willing to accept that you're not right for each other. To do that, you must stop comforting yourself with these all-too-common post-breakup excuses:

It’s only a break; we just need some space.

This is the number one excuse people use when they want out of a relationship. It provides an intermediate period to decide if the relationship is really in the cards for the two people involved. More significantly, though, it is a way for the couple to distance themselves without either party seeming like the bad guy.

If your relationship reaches the point in which one or both parties decide it has become too much work, no time or space will fix it. Sure, maybe it will be easier to be around each other once you’ve spent some time apart, but it will be short lived.

It is only a matter of time before you fall into your regular patterns — and arguments. Sometimes we use space as an excuse to force ourselves to miss the person again. But, why put yourself through that? You want someone who knows what he or she has before it's gone.

My expectations were too high.

Telling yourself that you were being too needy and that maybe you need to lower expectations to be a little more “realistic” is absolutely absurd and a trap into which women need to stop falling. This is how you end up settling.

You are not picking out a new iPhone cover; you are in the market for your partner, the person to whom you will potentially bind yourself legally. Do you really want to have anything but the highest of expectations?

I understand as well as anyone that "expectations lead to disappointments." However, after a breakup, do not begin rationalizing with yourself, putting it in your own mind that you were out of line in wanting to go out to dinner once a week or to have him meet your friends.

Only you know what you want out of a relationship, and if someone is not giving that to you, it’s time to ditch him or her. Don’t settle. Don’t tell yourself that your standards are too high.

There is no such thing as having too high of standards for yourself. When you meet the right person, he or she will jump through hoops to become your number one.

We can be friends.

Being friends with an ex does not work — at least not until there have been months, maybe even years, with little to no communication. Even then, it is a rare and difficult feat.

You just end up feeling the same things you felt when you were dating — and obviously, the way you felt about each other wasn’t meshing; otherwise, you wouldn’t have parted ways.

Thus, why spend more time being around that same energy? You have plenty of other friends to call — ones you haven’t slept with, ones who haven’t broken your heart and ones who won’t send you into an all-out panic attack when you try to analyze their every word.

This person dumped you. He or she has every right to move forward. In fact, good for him or her for doing so and not staying in a miserable relationship for the wrong reasons. Now, however, you need to recognize your worth, acknowledge that it is not appreciated by this individual and focus your energy elsewhere.

All relationships require work.

Yes, all relationships need work to thrive. This means “work” in the sense that you have to compromise where you will eat dinner; “work” in the sense that sometimes you have to stay at a party longer than you want to stay.

Relationships can be tough and they do require a considerable amount of attention and effort to be successful, but it shouldn’t be a constant, everyday battle. When it starts to become more of an obligation than it is fun, it’s time to move on.

Breaking up does not mean you and your partner do not love each other. Sometimes love just isn't supposed to be forever. As with anything in life, breakups can be tough because they are huge blows to the ego.

We had expectations and hopes for something, but ultimately, it didn't work out. That's okay. Just because your relationship failed does not mean you failed. The only shame in a breakup is refusing to let go.

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