Dear single ladies (and gentlemen) of San Francisco,
I hate to break it to you, but the San Francisco dating scene is tougher than trying to find a studio apartment in the city to rent for under $1,500 a month.
Sure, you would think the odds are in a single woman’s favor.
This is especially true considering the fact that San Francisco has a higher ratio of males to females, not to mention there are over 20,000 more single men than women in the Bay Area.
Unfortunately, the plethora of single men in San Francisco doesn’t mean finding a great guy to date will happen overnight, or even over the course of a year, for that matter.
This isn’t the case for just women, either.
Men are also encountering the same problems while dating in SF.
In my opinion, there seems to be an overall attitude and lifestyle in San Francisco that has made it almost impossible to date anyone in this city.
Here are five reasons why:
1. People are always traveling.
San Francisco is a city full of young, single and ambitious people.
A lot of people in the Bay Area seem to have startups, which usually require constant traveling.
What does this mean for a person’s dating life?
It means you have the chance to go on a date with someone once or twice, but your travel calendar always keeps you busy.
I’ve been on a number of dates in SF that have ended on this note: “I would really like to see you again, but I am flying to London (or New York or China) next week. I won’t be back until next month. Let’s talk when I get back?”
2. People know how to build companies, not relationships.
It’s evident that San Franciscans understand the amount of time and effort it takes to build a startup.
What they don’t understand, however, is how to build a relationship.
I believe this is due to two reasons:
1. No one has time to focus on a new relationship when he or she is building a company.
2. Entrepreneurs are more afraid of failing when it comes to relationships than when it comes to building a company.
Let’s get this straight: The majority of people in San Francisco are married to their jobs.
I’ve spoken to numerous men and women who have told me they don’t have time to focus on relationships right now. Amanda Bradford, CEO and founder of the exclusive dating app, The League, mentioned this to me:
The guy I’m dating has to be okay with having a girlfriend he’s only going to see once a week before 10 pm at night. He also has to be understanding if I’m unable to go with him and his friends to something where all the other girlfriends are going to be.
CEOs and co-founders also seem to be a bit more afraid of failure when it comes to relationships or even talking to the opposite sex.
For instance, I will go out every so often with a group of young, single, smart and attractive girlfriends.
We could be sitting at the hottest bar in San Francisco without one single man approaching us all night.
Sure, they will glance our way and make eye contact, but when it comes to asking someone out in person — not over a dating app — well, people just don’t do that in San Francisco.
3. San Franciscans are really flaky.
I’ve lived in Dallas, Austin, Tel Aviv and now San Francisco.
Out of all these cities, I must admit SF is the most full of flaky people.
After going on one or two dates, most people tend to just fall off the face of the earth without any explanation whatsoever.
I’m not sure what it is about the Bay Area, but people here are flakier than Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits.
4. People are addicted to dating apps.
Honestly, I don’t know a single person in San Francisco who isn’t on a dating app.
Whether it’s Hinge, JSwipe, Bumble or a random one you may have never heard of, San Francisco singles are swiping left and right in the hopes of finding the next best thing (or next best hookup).
The dating app addiction has gotten so severe, people who are in relationships are also on dating apps just for the thrill of swiping.
Looks like San Franciscans have some serious FOMO.
5. People have too much pride.
I can’t tell you how many CEOs, co-founders and startup geniuses I’ve dated in San Francisco.
While successful people seem to be a dime a dozen in SF, their pride meters are also off the charts.
People are so proud of their success, sending a text message or picking up the phone to call someone they like is just too much effort.
So, what’s the solution for successfully dating in San Francisco?
I honestly think people need to stop basing everything around their dating standards.
We need to be open to dating people we might not typically be interested in.
Having an open mind will ultimately go a long way in a city that seems to be set on certain standards.