There's a reason why I meet guys through dating apps. Guys IRL suck. At least online, I can filter people out based on looks, hobbies or compatibility. Like, if his profile says he doesn't like Drake, then I don't like him.
Most couples who meet on dating apps come up with a background story of how they met. That's why literally every Tinder profile says "we can say we met at Chipotle."
If Kyle* and I worked out, our actual story would have been adorable. We met in my college library (which I'm never in) when I was there to print out a passport application. The tables were packed, and the only empty seat was next to him.
"Is anyone sitting here?" I asked. He shook his head no, and I took the seat beside him. (So straight out of a rom-com.)
But there isn't necessarily a happy ending here.
The first red flag should have been his opener. He didn't ask me about my name, major, or what subject I was studying for, like any other normal human would. No, he opened with: "How long do you take to get ready in the morning?"
"What?" I said. I honestly didn't know if I was hearing him correctly.
"It just looks like you take a long time to get ready in the morning."
OK, good. So I'm not actually deaf. "Are you calling me high maintenance?" I asked him.
"No, you just look good, is what I'm saying. Are you Chinese?"
This should have been my second red flag. No, not all Asian people are Chinese, bro. Also, what kind of question is that?!
I told him I'm Filipino, which led to a heated debate on the Philippines' current War on Drugs. Kyle truly believed that it didn't really matter that 2,000 Philippine citizens were killed by the president "because they were on meth anyway."
I argued that those in third world countries don't exactly have the resources to get off drugs that have been illegally smuggled into their country and given to them.
He shrugged and said, "OK, I guess you have a point."
I know. I really should have stopped talking to him right then and there. It was obvious that his head was so far up his ass that he couldn't even physically listen to me speak.
But I had just broken up with the guy I was seeing, and I was feeling lonely and vulnerable. So lonely and vulnerable, in fact, that when he asked for my number, I gave it to him, despite the 834,981 red flags.
Like this one: For some reason, we got to the topic of homosexuality. He literally said the words, "I wouldn't want a trans or gay son because I want a legacy of alpha male sons and pretty daughters. I mean, would you want to have a gay kid?"
"I wouldn't mind," I said. "It's not like he chose to be gay, so I wouldn't love him any less. You have to keep an open mind."
"But obviously, I'm not homophobic. I have two lesbian moms," he replied.
Yep, you read that right. This guy has gay parents, but he doesn't want gay/trans/bi/gender fluid/anything but straight children because he wants "alpha males" and "pretty girls." I could not MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
No, Kyle, no. It's not that obvious.
"But what do you mean by alpha male?" I asked. "What if he paved the way in the LGBTQ+ community somehow and made life easier for people? Would he not still be considered an alpha male?"
"No, that's the exact opposite of an alpha male."
OOOOKKKK, but according to Merriam-Webster:
Alpha male: A dominant male.
Just because a man is gay, trans or anything other than straight, it means he can't be a dominant man?
"That makes no sense to me, but OK," I said, and took it as my cue to leave.
"You're heading out?" he asked.
"Yeah, I have errands to run."
"I have your number, so we should hang out tonight. I still have to study for my exam a bit, so I'll text you around 9. We could go to a bar or something."
"I don't drink, so we'll see," I replied.
I really was thinking about giving him a chance. (I know.) First, because I was single again, so why not? Hanging out with Kyle could keep me busy. Second, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I knew he was saying douchey things, but people say stupid things all the time just because they think it'll impress someone else.
People say stupid things all the time just because they think it'll impress someone else.
But, who knows? Maybe Kyle wouldn't text me and I would have saved myself from the internal battle of deciding whether or not to give this asshole a chance.
But of course, life ain't easy. And he did text me about an hour after we had met.
This text made NO sense at all. I'm well aware that I could definitely go to a bar and not drink.
But like I said, I was feeling vulnerable. I wanted to be swept off my feet, not treated like a piece of meat.
I was starting to think he wasn't as bad as I thought, but then... WTF?! Again with the alpha talk?
"IS IT MY FACIAL HAIR THAT MAKES ME SEEM TOO ALPHA TO HANG OUT THIS LATE?" How did I meet you in the library, but you speak like you've never even opened a book?
Now that I look back at it, I must've been hella lonely to even entertain this conversation. But this isn't even the worst of it.
The worst came a week later, when Kyle asked me to go to a bar a SECOND time, even though I had already told him it wasn't something I wanted to do.
That was my nice way of saying that I realized he was a complete tool and didn't want to waste both of our time. And since I don't believe in ghosting (because I'm a good fucking person), ignoring him wasn't an option.
So basically, I'm nice, honest and real with this dude...and THIS is what I get?!
Damn, I guess that's why people ghost in the first place. Women have to be chill enough to want to hang out late at night with guys they don't even know, and then they have to deal with the repercussions of being called ridiculous names when we decide we don't want to.
And then other times ignoring guys make them even MADDER and they won't stop texting you until you reply. You never really know what you're going to get.
To Kyle, I was a skank because I didn't want to sleep with him. I can't imagine what I would be called if I did.
I'm glad that no matter how lonely I was, I didn't settle. Just because I was sad and wanted to be with someone, I knew that my beliefs mattered to me more than being held in someone's arms for the moment.
I knew that my beliefs mattered to me more than being held in someone's arms for the moment.
And I guess my gut instinct was right, Kyle. You are a piece of shit.
I'll stick to Tinder and OkCupid. Where I can find boys who aren't homophobic... and love Drake.
*Name has been changed.