Am I Staying In A Relationship For The Wrong Reasons? 8 Signs You Might Be
Being in a loving, committed, supportive relationship is one of the best feelings on Earth... but only if you're there because your heart is in the right place. Although we might not realize it sometimes, many of us are guilty of staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. And if you're not in a relationship for the pure reasons of love and happiness, you might quickly find that you either get bored and exhausted of it, or the relationship just ends anyway.
It's never a good idea to stick around in something that your heart isn't in. But what are the wrong reasons? Read on for some qualities you may be prioritizing in your partner that mean your relationship probably isn't built to last.
Money is one of the worst things to a prioritize in a partner, and one of the worst reasons to stay in a relationship.
First of all, girl, you should be trying to support yourself. Second of all, money is a fleeting quality. Your partner may have a great job and be rich now, but how do you know things will stay the same in two years or five years or 10? Would you still be happy with your partner without their money?
If you're only in a relationship because the money your partner makes is something you value, end it and find a better use of your time.
Yes, sex is awesome AF — especially good sex, and especially good sex on a regular basis. But if you're staying in a relationship just because of the sex? Not so good.
Your partner will probably sense that something is wrong when you make clear that you really don't want to talk to them or hang out with them at all other than to have sex. Not only that, but it's not fair to them and eventually, you'll find yourself bored anyway.
Instead of stringing someone along who doesn't deserve it, graciously and maturely end the relationship. Then, go have all the hookups so you can find that hot sex again with someone who is on the same page as you are.
Loneliness and fear are not good reasons to stay in a relationship. If all that you like about your partner is their actual presence in your life, this is a sure sign you are staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. You should like almost everything about your partner, not just their ability to be a warm body in your life and bed.
A lot of people are guilty of this because so many are scared of being alone. But honestly, there's nothing to fear because self-love is the most important love, and you don't need a romantic partner for your life to be complete, awesome, and wonderful in its own way.
In fact, getting out of your current relationship will probably help you discover how amazing you are. So don't stick around just for the loneliness.
If you've spent a year or two or five with someone, you might find yourself tempted to stay in the relationship because of the history. This isn't a good reason.
If things have been falling apart for a while or you just aren't feeling it anymore, that deserves an honest assessment of the future of the relationship. Of course, your history can and should play a factor in your decision, but it shouldn't be the only thing keeping you with your partner.
If all you value about the two of you is the time you've already spent together, it might be time to cut the cord.
5. Family Or Friends
So, your partner's mom is an awesome lady whom you love to hang out with on the weekends. Or his best friend's girlfriend is the coolest chick in the entire world, and the two of you have become besties. And you feel if you breakup, you might lose these ties.
Well, that would suck, but it's not a good reason to stay in the relationship. Sticking around just because you love your partner's friends and family means you're essentially using your partner, and that is not a good look.
Instead, think about if you really want the relationship, and if you don't, have an honest conversation both with your partner and also the people you like in their life. With any luck, the friends and family you love will love you, too, and want to stay connected. And if not, well, you made the grown-up decision and gave it a shot.
Being in a relationship with someone who does one awful thing after another, but then apologizes in a bigger and grander way each time, can get exhausting. But some people like that cycle.
If you find yourself constantly accepting gifts or other huge gestures from your partner because they are apologizing for the dumb stuff they've done, and you've become addicted to the hurt-apology-hurt-apology cycle, now might be a good time to assess if this relationship is really for you.
In all likelihood, it isn't, and you'll be happier to get out and give yourself the opportunity to look for something real.
7. Superficial Qualities
I'll admit it: I'm obsessed with the fact that my husband is muscular, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed. It's what I was always drawn to as a teenager, and I can't stop staring at how hunky he is most of the time. That said, these qualities are not why I married him. I married him because he is kind, loving, and supportive, and because we are perfect together.
If you find yourself in a relationship mostly because you like the really superficial qualities about your partner (their looks, their bicep size, their apartment, their car), you are, unfortunately, doomed for failure. Superficial qualities don't make a relationship work and can only sustain you for so long before it all falls apart.
One thing that's really nice about being in a relationship is the stability that comes with having a partner. But it shouldn't be the only thing you like. Stability should be a kind of fringe benefit you get when you've found "the one," not something you rely on.
If your life is kind of all over the place and you like that your partner is much more stable, but that's all you like, consider finding a relationship that might be a better fit. Or consider working on yourself and your life alone first, to the point that you feel comfortable and happy on your own. Because it's likely that's exactly when you'll find a relationship that's perfect for you.
Staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons is something a lot of people do, often without even realizing it. If you identify with any of the things on this list, though, you might be better off cutting the relationship cord in order to find something that will truly make you happy for the right reasons.
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