The 5 Stages Of Trying To Rationalize Why He Ghosted You

After (what you think was) a great night out, he kissed you goodnight and checked to see that you'd made it home safe.

But the next day, you only got radio silence. If you're anything like me, the things that go through your mind while you're holed up in Ghostville sound a little something like this:

1. "He's playing hard to get."

Since the days of stealing boys' baseball hats and swinging on playground swings, we've been told that a boy's — er, a man's — way of showing interest is by teasing us and running away from us. Maybe they even show this by flat-out ignoring us?

For those first few hours after your last interaction, a little distance — maybe even an ignored text — doesn't feel all that bad. In fact, it's totally rational that this guy, who was so clearly into you, might be playing a little hard to get. For a little while, you're down to play along.

2. "He's been really busy."

Alright, this game is already getting a little stale. Another day has passed, and the naivety of thinking he's only playing hard to get has worn off.

You're now progressing into the even-more-enjoyable stage of convincing yourself of the fact that his schedule has been totally packed. You remember that when you two talked, he mentioned a big project coming up at the office. (Such a hard worker, that one.)

Then, you may have — completely randomly, of course — stumbled upon his Facebook wall. You saw that his little sister commented about an upcoming family dinner. Aw.

So, when you catch him liking pics on the 'gram, it's not a problem. After all, he probably only had, like, two minutes between his very important work meetings.

3. "He's intimidated by me."

If you haven't said this to yourself by the time you reach the one-week mark, chances are, your best friend has said it to you instead. You're a smart, good-looking chick with a reputable job and a good head on her shoulders. It's no surprise that he would be intimidated by everything you bring to the table.

Quite frankly, he should be.

For now, it's totally acceptable to keep subtweeting him with quotes about how you aren't "looking for perfection," etc, until he gets the hint that you're going to love him for him, regardless of how awesome you are.

4. "There's something wrong with me."

This can escalate from "I totally had something in my teeth that night" to "I'm a total freak and he hates me" real quick. Before you jump on the self-hate express, understand that absolutely nothing you did should warrant the white-out treatment.

No, not even that sexy piece of kale that got lodged in your front incisor.

5. "Oh, he's just a d*ck."

It's been upward of three weeks now. You've come to grips with the fact that it just wasn't meant to be with what's-his-name.

You've deleted his contact information from your phone and purged yourself of whatever plans for the future you drafted up in your mind. You've damn near forgotten the fact that the last time you talked, he said he couldn't wait to meet your family. (Obviously, you can wait, sir.)

Relish in these moments of glory, girlfriend. You've made it.

You're practically LOLing in your group chat over the whole thing right now. You already know you're going to screenshot that motherf*cker the second he hits you with that after-midnight "Hey."

But seriously, is it worth sweating over someone who doesn't have the decency to be upfront with you? I think not.

Now, can we all agree that the only Casper any of us should be ogling is the one with the moves like Jagger and the dimples that make you tingle inside? You go, JLo.