You Don't Need Someone Who Understands You, Just Someone Who Wants To

by Paul Hudson

How do we know something is important to us? Things can be objectively important -- say to the world or life in general -- but, at the same time, things that are objectively important aren’t always important to each individual person.

Likewise, we can understand a thing’s importance but, at the same time, not act in accordance.

Which is when you have to wonder: What’s the point or utility of people believing something is or isn’t important?

Taking a look at people, the way we act, the things we say and do, what we read, share, tweet, and follow, it’s clear everyone in the world believes things of no importance to hold importance.

It’s a sad truth, but most people hold the wholly trivial as being meaningful and important.

People have lived, fought and died for trivialities. We have started wars. Killed millions. Destroyed families. Ruined relationships. Ruined futures.

Even ruined our own lives, consuming pointless information, worrying about things of little to absolutely no importance, only to live a whole lifetime sifting through, categorizing and dissecting garbage.

I’m sad to say this is something that will never change. The systems we have in place won’t allow for an entirely wise and satisfied society.

The world is too big of a place, with too many egocentric beings, fighting for what little trivial resources are available to them -- and that won’t change for a millennia, if ever.

Yet there is hope. Maybe not for the masses. Maybe not on a larger scale, but as long as each of us finds a few things in our lives -- things that, in reality, do hold importance -- we have a chance at creating a fulfilled life.

Giving things or people importance is as crucial as it is necessary for passion to manifest; without finding something or someone to hold significant importance or meaning to you as an individual, passion will be an impossibility.

We can only be passionate about that which we deem important. Otherwise, we wouldn’t find it worthy of our attention and care.

Because that’s what it means to deem something as being important: to deem it worthy of our time, attention, effort, care, love.

When it comes to relationships, one needs to be careful. When we fall in love, we immediately feel the apple of our eye is incredibly important to us.

We feel this intense need to keep them a part of our lives, to spend time with them, to care for them, to give them our time and attention.

This need almost always fades, however, because we either come to realize this individual actually is less important to us than we first thought or we fail to realize why this individual is important to us outside of the way this person makes us feel.

Although, when it comes to love and romantic relationships, there really is no such thing as objectivity.

It’s all subjective because it must necessarily involve us as individuals and the way we ourselves, for lack of a better word, feel about a particular individual.

I say “for lack of a better word” because emotions alone are never enough to create the necessary connection or level of recognized importance necessary to make a relationship work.

You don’t want to try and share your life with someone who only believes you to be important because of the way you make him or her feel.

The relationship will fail because, as the emotions begin to fluctuate (as they always do), your level of recognized importance will likewise fluctuate in his or her eyes.

The moment your partner begins to question how you make him or her feel, the love you share will begin to crack.

If your entire relationship is built upon the idea that either one or both of you deem the other to hold importance solely because of the emotional responses solicited by the other, then, eventually, your relationship will fall apart.

The trick isn’t to avoid questioning the emotions you feel toward the most important person in your life but rather to understand the reasons your partner is so incredibly important to you go far beyond basic emotion.

So what is the utility of feeling or believing something holds importance, knowing a particular individual means the world to you?

The tremendous need of holding on to this individual, keeping him or her as a part of your life you willingly give into.

It’s this need to keep the one you love as a part of your life that forces us into action; it forces us to do the only things worth anything in a world functioning on -- if only partly -- a physical plane.

It forces us to act. It forces us to change. It forces us to adapt, get innovative. It moves us.

It creates this need in us to let this person know, to show him or her how important he or she is to us -- a need that may not always be intense but is always floating there just below the surface.

If you want to find the right person to spend your life with, then find someone who recognizes you as being important enough to fight for.

Someone who may not necessarily understand you the way you feel you need to be understood just yet, but someone who is willing to put in the time and effort to get to understand you on such a level.

You need to find a partner who finds you to be the most important thing in his or her world.

This is the only way you can guarantee your lover will care for you when you need care, fight for you when you can’t fight for yourself and -- most importantly -- someone who will stick it out when things get tough.

When it comes to people, they either recognize you as being unimportant, important for entirely selfish reasons or important for partially selfish reasons.

Those are the only three options, and the last is the only one that will allow for a successful, loving relationship.

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