We're All Just Looking For Someone As F*cked Up As We Are

by Gigi Engle

We say we’re looking for someone perfect for us. Someone who really has his or her sh*t together, is a go-getter and an awesome lover.

We say we want this ideal person, this person who will be our other half.

When you really consider it, though, if we’re looking for our other halves, if we’re looking for a yin to our yang, that half is going to be a pretty f*cked up half.

No one is perfect. We’re all damaged or broken in some way or another.

It’s what makes us human; it’s what makes us stronger. We’re a myriad of mistakes and hardships that form crevices on our souls as unique to us as the lines on our hands.

Despite what you may think, there’s nothing wrong with being messed up. The person who is messed up is actually the best person you can date.

This person's baggage and experience is what makes him or her beautiful. He or she can still function in society despite having seen what life is about and how ugly things can get.

When it comes to love, we aren’t looking for some preconceived ideal. As much as we like to say it, we aren’t seeking out a cookie-cutter Prince Charming who will sweep us off of our feet and erase all of our past remorse.

We may be tarnished and shattered, but we’re not looking for someone to fix us.

We’re looking for someone who can take care of us when sh*t goes down because this person has dealt with sh*t of his or her own.

We’re looking for someone who can complete us. We’re looking for someone who can take on this bat-sh*t-crazy world with us. We’re looking for someone who can help us grow.

We’re looking for acceptance. We have all been hurt before.

We’re all jaded and cynical because we’ve seen the darker sides of life. We’re slightly masochistic and self-destructive.

We do sh*t we know we’ll regret because it feels good in the moment.

We’re trying to find another person who can live with all of that and still be happy with us. We’re attempting to form a relationship with someone who will love us because of our flaws, not in spite of them.

The person who is perfect for you is far from perfect. That’s the way it should be. You can’t have a healthy, robust relationship with someone who has never tasted life.

You can’t have a lasting love without having a past that has shaped you.

You can’t handle a person who is so vacuous he came out of life unscathed. In the end, we’re all just trying to find someone as f*cked up as we are.

You’ll never judge each other.

When you’re with someone as screwed up as you are, you’ll never judge that person. Likewise, he or she will have no room to judge you.

You accept that people make mistakes. Even after your roughest of nights, you’ll always find the face of understanding instead of the face of disappointment.

You will find a loving heart that deeply understands you because it has been there too. We’ve all f*cked up.

It’s about putting yourself in the hands of someone who wants to better you, not change you. It’s about finding someone who will never throw your regrets in your face.

You can bottom out together.

Your other half is your partner in crime. He or she is there to take life on with you. He or she will be in the passenger seat, ready to take that wild ride.

The two of you have the power to hit rock bottom together. You can be at the lowest of lows, but you’ll never be alone.

You’ve both fallen. You can see yourself reflected in each other’s eyes and can take each other’s hands to build yourselves back up from the base.

You can get through the worst times together because the two of you are no strangers to how hideous, unforgiving and treacherous the world can be.

You can function in your dysfunction.

The two of you are f*cked up, but you work. You’re ordered chaos. You make sense out of nonsense.

It may not add up to those around you, but you know your messy, ridiculous life is everything you need.

Finding the right person for you is finding another soul that can jive along with yours. It doesn’t have to be a flawless love; it just has to be the right love.

You both have a past.

You both come with a history that is stricken with trials. Neither of you are innocent.

You have a past, and you embrace that past. It isn’t something to be shameful of.

You are not your past, though your past is a part of you. You have nothing to hide and should never feel the need to.

You don’t end up with someone as f*cked up as you are because he or she is all you deserve; you end up with that person because you are both brave, damaged people who were lucky enough to find each other.

You’re both deeper.

The more f*cked up you are, the more empathetic you become.

The damaged soul is one who has seen the heinous side of many a situation and can commiserate when you have the same kinds of experiences. You just understand one another.

Since you’re so three-dimensional and complicated, you feel things on a deeper level. You’re better at sex because you have the capacity to completely encapsulate your sexuality and pleasure.

The person you end up with isn’t a person who is surface level. This person is someone so much more profound.

If you’ve gone through hardships, and you’re more self-aware

If there is one truly incredible thing that comes out of being completely and totally, exquisitely f*cked up, it’s that you really know yourself.

You know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you are capable of and what you can handle. It is only by a test of character that one can truly understand his or herself.

When it comes to love, you should be your own best friend before you try to be someone else’s one and only. You should always know yourself the best before getting to know someone else.