How To Be Single: 3 Things Serial Monogamists Need To Get Better At
All of my single friends are flocking to theaters to see “How To Be Single,” starring actresses we would actually love to be besties with IRL. As a professional matchmaker, I'm constantly working with the most fabulous, successful and intelligent single ladies in the city.
With dating apps making women feel dispensable, ghosting from guys they don't even care about and broken promises from guys they do actually care about, being single is tough. But listen up, all my single ladies. It's time to focus your attention on the most important and fabulous person in the world: yourself.
I see serial monogamists come into my office all the time, like junkies ready for their next fix. Validation from a guy you're into is one of the sweetest, most satisfying experiences a girl can have. Love is literally addictive. (Just ask WebMD)
But in order to be in an amazing, fulfilling relationship with another person, you need to be in an amazing, fulfilling relationship with yourself. If you are coming from a place of instability, you will attract instability in a mate.
It may not be apparent at first glance, but slowly and surely, you'll be able to take off your serial monogamist goggles and see your new man for what he is: imperfect. Imperfection, however, can be beautiful. But in order to attract your future, perfectly imperfect relationship, you need to be at peace with your own imperfections.
1. It's time to, quite literally, fall in love with yourself.
Ladies, this is the one time in your life when you can be selfish. The stigma of the word “selfish” comes into play when you're neglecting others in order to serve your personal needs. Women especially feel the need to take care of everyone and everything around them before catering to the goddess within themselves.
Guess what? You are single. You are not married, and you do not have children depending on you.
This is a short, beautiful span of your life where your only major responsibilities involve taking care of yourself. Embrace this and own it.
2. You are the star of your life, and people can't steal your spotlight unless you let them.
Begin by allowing yourself to be the best version of yourself. Get decked out in those sexy stilettos for dinner at the hottest restaurant in your city with your girl gang. Wear what makes you feel fabulous.
Be unabashedly girly, and watch "Sex And The City" reruns with a glass of rosé in a plush, white robe. (Side note: White robes are such a staple of the single lady who stays at home. You will constanlty feel like you are on vacation.)
Buy delicious scented massage oil, and give yourself a full-body massage. Take a bubble bath, read that chick-lit book waiting on your side table, get a mani-pedi at the spa and splurge on those Monolos you've had your eyes on for all these months. (Let's be real: for years.)
Guys take cues on how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. I am a great example of this: I spoil myself rotten.
I learned that I don't need someone else to give me permission to eat that dark chocolate bar, buy that over-the-top canopy princess bed or get myself that "Frozen" coloring book.
It wasn't easy. But once I began spoiling myself, I noticed that the way other people treated me changed.
3. Spoil yourself so that when a guy comes along, he understands who he's dealing with.
Spend quality time with yourself. Now is time for me time. You will never be younger than you are at this very moment, so make it worth it.
The end of a relationship has a way of bringing out all your deepest insecurities. So instead of covering them with a new guy and all the drama that comes along with him, deal with them.
Embrace these insecurities. See them, accept them and begin to work through them.
You don't have to do it alone. I highly suggest visiting a dating coach near you. (The Dating Experts Bureau will refer you to the best one in your area.)
Visit a therapist who will give you unbiased and honest feedback on your journey to self-actualization. Tune your bestie in about your new goal, and have her come along for the ride.
I can honestly tell you from working with hundreds of women that you are in gorgeous, successful and powerful company. Any issue you're dealing with is valid, yet, it doesn't define you. You define yourself.
You pinpoint all your best and worst qualities, and it is up to you to focus on the best. Disturb the universe with your personal charm and je ne sais quoi.
You were made exactly the way you are for a reason, even if that reason is too obscure for you to wrap your head around. Honor the woman you are, and give yourself time and TLC to search for that reason.
So many women are looking for love. But before they can find amazing men, they need to cultivate love from within. Then — and only then — can you begin your journey to romantic love.
This article was originally published on Matchmakers In The City.