Independent, career-driven young women are more than likely to be single.
Our goal-orientation drives us.
Not to say others don’t share in this, but we find fulfillment outside of exclusive, intimate relationships. This doesn’t mean we’re unloving, unemotional robots.
We have secret wants and desires that, on the surface, aren’t visible to passersby.
Some of these relate directly to our lack of a boyfriend, fiancé, husband or, hell, a boy toy. Others are offshoots of that fact.
We, independent, young women, often try not to wear our hearts on our sleeves, so I’m equipping the public with a brief glimpse into the minds of single, independent women with the following list of “secrets”:
1. I want to share my cooking skills with someone.
Frankly, creating extravagant, labor-intensive meals sometimes feels pointless when there's no one to share them with.
Dogs don't count; they’ll eat anything. Whether we cook it together or I simply treat you, I want to put my chef hat on for you.
2. I want help with my projects and chores.
Fine, I admit it, I want a cute neighbor to offer to help me with my yard work.
Wait, no I don’t… most people in my neighborhood are 60-year-old retirees. But you get the idea.
It could even be a chick friend offering to help organize my monster of a closet over some wine. Sometimes, I get a little tired of “going it my own” all the time.
This doesn’t make me less of an independent woman; it simply makes me human.
3. I want to be needed and trusted emotionally.
I have a multitude of experience consoling (and when needed, distracting) friends and acquaintances who experience hardships.
I enjoy helping others sift through their cluttered minds to pinpoint their passions.
Even though it may not materialize via a cuddle session with a significant other, I simply yearn to “be there” for someone sometimes.
Maybe this is because it makes me feel like the trust and need are mutual. I should just point to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
4. I want someone to tell me good morning or wish me a good day, even if just to interact with me a bit.
Like a multivitamin, it’s nice to have a dose of well wishes to start my day. I want someone to want a dose of me, too.
I want to be a bright spot in someone’s day, whether it’s a good friend or a romantic prospect.
I’m not a needy person, but waking up to a thoughtful message once or twice per week makes this anti-morning person better off.
5. I want someone to tell me goodnight.
It’s a comforting sentiment as I’m winding down my day. I want the thought of me to soothe someone to sleep because, in turn, that soothes me to sleep.
If I’m the last thing on someone’s mind, I feel like I matter in some fashion.
6. I want someone to make me feel sincerely valued, thus valuable.
I want affirmation that I, as a human being aside from my assets, matter to someone. Girls with “keepers” are likely reminded of this on a regular basis, which is not as much of a given for single ladies.
I don’t feel invaluable or worthless, but affirmations can be powerful and inspirational.
7. I want to be surprised.
The surprise could be as small as sending me a funny GIF or a ridiculously captioned Snapchat out of the blue.
On the less effortless side, even though I typically like to keep to myself, having someone show up at my place unexpectedly breaks up the monotony of a single girl’s late-night or weekend routine.
8. I want to be missed.
Knowing someone in the world dislikes my prolonged absence makes me feel – okay, I admit it — special.
Having someone express that feeling can go a long way with a single girl, who is often trekking through life alone many of her days.
9. I want to miss someone.
It’s a funny feeling when I can’t get a guy out of my head; that giddiness is a nice feeling. It’s often a rarity due to how active I am.
Independent women are more likely to be making moves than wondering what someone’s up to.
Maybe I’m missing someone I knowingly will never be with; maybe I’m just reminiscing about a relationship I know I’ll never rekindle.
Regardless, I want to long for someone. If my stomach flutters a bit when thinking about “him,” I’m reminded I’m still capable of intimately caring for someone.
If a guy can make me yearn for his energy, he’s got that special “something.” I occasionally miss that feeling.
10. I want chivalrous gestures sent my way, even if — especially if — the intentions aren’t romantic.
I want someone to offer me an umbrella when it’s pouring down rain. I like it when people open doors for me, especially if I’m more than a couple feet behind them.
Those are simply nice gestures, whether coming from a co-worker or a stranger at a café.
I occasionally like to be a recipient of “door opening,” or “anonymous drink/meal buying” for any reason besides you wanting to come home with me, perhaps to just confirm my belief that chivalry and kindheartedness are not dead.
11. I want people to stop asking me who “the lucky guy” is.
Unless you have a reason to believe I’ve begun seeing someone, please just ask me whether I'm dating anyone, or who he is.
Please do not position your question as if a female should be sharing her life, thus herself, with a man at all times in order to be fulfilled.
12. I want people to stop asking me why I'm single.
Is that a serious question? What do you expect me to say? That I'm undesirable? That I'm picky as hell? That
I've been hurt so I'm planning on dying alone? None of the above. I'm simply not seeing anyone at the moment, which shouldn’t require an explanation.
13. I want people to stop acting like there's a void in my life, which must urgently be addressed.
I'm okay with being single, and if I weren't I wouldn't be single. It’s not hard to find a partner; it’s difficult to find one who captivates me and complements my (aspirational) lifestyle.
I see no need to “rush it.” I’m not worried about fertility. If I don’t find “the one” until I’m significantly older and we decide we want kids, I’m down with adoption.
I'm not incomplete without a partner. I'm waiting for a synergistic connection, one in which two whole people create something even more fulfilling.
14. I want someone to prove me right.
I’m not set on remaining single; I’m just not “worried about it.” I believe there's a guy out there who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.
Maybe I’ve crossed paths with him; maybe I haven’t.
In the meantime, I’ll be patient and continue basking in my happy singleness, despite these preceding wants and desires.