9 Things You Can No Longer Ignore About Your Failing Relationship
Are you stuck in a relationship that just isn't right, but you aren't willing to risk ending it because you've convinced yourself the person can change? Maybe you're taking on some of the blame of the less-than-ideal relationship, or maybe you have a fear of being alone/starting over.
Maybe the relationships is mediocre, at best, but it's lacking the luster or spark you had dreamed a relationship would include when you were younger. Maybe you're aware you're settling and that you deserve better, but your emotions are conflicted.
These emotions may deter you from breaking the relationship off because you somehow convince yourself you won't find someone else to put up with your flaws, or that you're terrified of being alone for a long time. Maybe it's easier to be in a mediocre relationship than it is to "divorce" the person you're with. Maybe you're settling because it's too complicated when someone has to find a new place to live, or discuss joint parenting rights to your sweet dog you purchased as a couple.
Realistically, what it all comes down to is your irrational fear of starting over and being alone. More often than not, this fear will cause people to settle in their relationships rather than pursuing something better. Those who are fearful of being alone will choose to stay in stagnant relationships.
No one should have to settle for less than they deserve in a relationship. Everyone deserves to be ridiculously happy with their significant other. Everyone's reasoning behind settling is different, but it's safe to argue that past relationships have a lot to do with the outcome of future relationships.
For instance, if you were used to be rejected, and you finally find someone who doesn't reject you, it can be terrifying leaving that all behind and run the risk of facing rejection all over again.
Of all the difficult experiences people face in life, being alone can be one of the hardest. Today, our generation doesn't know how to be alone, and aren't happy when they are. Most people fear being alone and will avoid it at all costs, which leads to these superficial relationships that clearly only exist because of your fear of being alone. Most people are more in love with the concept of a great relationship, than the person they're in the relationship with.
Unfortunately, couples will confess to being in relationships that they know they shouldn't be in, but they rationalize why they remain in them. For instance, they may say, "She takes care of me, she's faithful and cooks me meals every night," or, "He massages my feet after a long day in the office," and such statements only exist because they're defending the relationship that they know very well they shouldn't be in.
Whatever the real reason is (be it superficial or not), there are signs that you are indeed settling for less than what you deserve in a relationship:
You find that you have become a different person because of your significant other. You've lost touch with your goals, dreams and values, and you're sense of self is no longer existent. You also realize that you're the only one who had made changes, and you're significant other hasn't done anything to change them-self to make the relationship more cohesive.
1. The relationship has done nothing but bring you down.
Your significant other doesn't inspire you, or push you to be a better person. They may also be very judgmental and critical of you. They just don't support you anymore.
2. You're in an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship.
You realize you've been keeping this part of your relationship private from your friends or family, and even find that you're coming up with excuses as to why your SO acts this way.
3. You suspect they're cheating on you.
When you confront them about it, they either deny it or apologize profusely. And in turn, you believe/forgive them.
4. You've sacrificed too much.
You've changed who you are to make your significant other happy, but have lost your true self in the process.
5. You tell yourself to stick it out, and hopefully they'll change.
If you've been in a relationship for a while and the individual hasn't changed (even after multiple discussions/fights about it), it may be time to accept the fact that they aren't going to change.
6. You're more comfortable than you are in love.
And you tell yourself you don't want to start over. Most of us have been in a relationship like this, and the level of comfort makes it harder to get out.
7. You're only staying because the sex is great.
Sadly, individuals will prolong the inevitable demise of their relationship because they enjoy the sex too much. What they don't realize (or choose not to accept) is there will be other individuals who match up, or are even better than their predecessor.
8. You tell yourself you're in too deep.
If you're engaged or married, you can feel trapped in your circumstances. But it's never too late to be happy. Don't let the fear of a broken engagement or divorce deter you from being happy and healthy.
9. You refuse to see your partner with someone else.
The thought of them wrapped in someone else's arms terrifies you. But if you aren't happy in their arms, it's time to leave. You'll realize why it didn't work out with them when you're finally happy with someone else.
There are plenty of reasons why individuals settle in a relationship. The easiest way to know if you are is to asking yourself if you're unhappy, and give yourself an honest answer.
It will never be easy to confront an issue like this, and really question your relationship/marriage. It's difficult to imagine that your unhappiness may result in an unhappy ending. By confronting the issue, however, you can at least give yourself (and your partner) a chance at true happiness.
This may cause a confrontation with your partner, but it may actually help your relationship. Or it could end it, and you'll both be forced to start a new life with new hopes and dreams.
If you're settling, it's better to realize it now and give yourself a shot at finding happiness.
This article was originally published on the author's personal blog.