Sometimes, you give your all in a relationship, only to find yourself unhappy. Because you gave it your all, you don't want to see the relationship fail.
You put in a lot of effort to get your relationship where it is right now. The both of you did. Yet, at the end of the day, you're still conflicted about whether you should stay in the relationship or leave.
If you've come across a majority of these situations, it's time to cut the cord, no matter how hard it is:
1. You make up excuses to justify his or her actions.
"Oh, he's just frustrated from work," is not an excuse to be treated like sh*t. Everyone has difficult days at work, but that doesn't mean you can take that out on your partner.
If your SO isn't like that often, the issue could very well be work-related. But if he or she slams a lot of anger on you like you're a basketball hoop, it's time to get out.
The first step is to talk about it. If it happens often, try to find other alternatives for his or her frustration.
If things have changed, then you don't necessarily need to give up hope. If things haven't changed or he or she doesn't care to listen, the door is your best friend.
2. You realize it's all talk, but no real action.
Have you found yourself in a million fights, arguments or talks about the same thing? This is especially important if it's something serious like your SO's attitude or the way he or she treats you.
Again and again, you ask your SO to watch his or her attitude. If you've talked about it and your partner tells you he or she is sorry and it won't happen again, and it still happens, your partner is clearly not committed to working on it.
Don't jump ship yet if your SO is committed to working on it, but is taking a little longer to improve. If your partner is in therapy, using alternative outlets or assuring you in some way that he or she is committed, don't be afraid to be patient.
3. You think social media is your only proof of a relationship.
OK, it's all cute and fun to post photos of your relationship on social media (#goals), but it's no longer cute when it becomes a part of your relationship. I have no clue why, but suddenly, it's not official until you're in your partner's Instagram bio or have a flood of couple photos on your timeline.
If you feel like you or your SO have to show off your relationship to sway people into liking your photos, that's definitely not healthy. As much fun as social media is, don't let it really affect your relationship. Show off your SO because you're proud of him or her, not because you need to prove a point or validate your relationship.
If you're constantly upset about people posting affectionate comments under your SO's photos, you feel actual jealousy from those comments or you even argue about them, it's time to either work on that together or leave.
4. You fight in public.
Sure, every couple argues or fights. But, it's completely different when it's done in public.
Fights usually happen behind doors, and fights that occur in public are from serious anger or venting. It's due to anger that is so authentic, the space doesn't matter.
When you fight in public, you can't take the time to listen calmly or see your SO's side of the situation. All you can think about is what other people are thinking and why it's happening in that moment. It's also extremely embarrassing for you and those around you.
If it's a mild dispute that you can get over instantly, fine. But if you're waving your hands, raising your voice and aiming to hit a nerve, it's not fine. This is especially true if this happens more than once.
5. You're egging on your admirers.
Every now and then, you'll probably get a "You're stunning," or "You're so hot." You smile, feel a little vain and then you move on. But if you start to chat with those admirers and actually egg them on, I think you're done with your relationship.
I'm talking about first date flirting, meeting up, avoiding bringing up your SO in conversation, hiding him or her or letting the flirt do things for you that only your SO does. If you're actually putting in the effort to flirt and be cute, you're basically setting up a rebound for yourself. This should tell you you're either unhappy and need to leave, or you're not ready to be in a relationship at all.
6. You draw your own conclusions.
You come to your own conclusions in any situation, and you take that as validation for your SO's behavior (or vice versa). For example, he or she forgot your anniversary because he or she "doesn't care about the relationship." Or, he or she doesn't surprise you with flowers because he or she doesn't think about you.
You don't take your SO's perspective into account, and instead, you assume you know all the answers. If you're feeling unappreciated and draw your own conclusions, you'll only end up hurting yourself. This can become an internal burden on your heart, and it can put a strain on your relationship in the future.
If your SO has seriously lacked in the appreciation department, let him or her know that. Ask your partner why he or she doesn't do such and such (especially if you've never brought up things like the fact you like surprise flowers).
Don't assume you know, and definitely don't assume he or she doesn't care. Maybe check out how you two differ in your types of love and appreciation. If your SO hasn't changed anything about him- or herself, though, then yes, you deserve to be appreciated.
7. You suffer through emotional or physical abuse.
You're probably justifying your partner's actions by blaming yourself or his or her background. You're probably drinking in the toxicity of the relationship and deluding yourself into thinking things will get better.
Don't settle for someone who makes it his or her daily routine to make you feel like sh*t by talking down to you. Don't settle for someone who makes your feel unsafe in your own home.
If he or she is willing to commit to working on it (and actually showing that), you can have some hope. But if he or she is just hurting you and promising you it won't happen again over and over, then take the hope you have and walk out that door. Being abused is not worth your unique and beautiful existence.
If you're unhappy in your relationship and you don't know whether you should stay or go, think more about the value of the relationship versus the effort you put into it. You can lead that horse for miles and miles to the water, but you definitely can't make it drink.
So the real question is, should you give up trying to make that horse drink? Or should you wait until it's finally thirsty enough to drink, no matter how long it takes?