It happened. Your ex is in a new relationship. And judging by their Facebook or Insta, they look happy. (I mean, Facebook and Insta lie, so that's a whole other thing, but let's be real: You're thinking it anyway.)
Then, a question creeps into your head: Should I stalk my ex's new partner? You know it's not a good idea. You know you'll probably regret it. But yet, you feel drawn to do it anyway, like we are all drawn to do things that are terrible for us.
But before you decide to give in and start stalking your ex's new bae, ask yourself these questions to help you figure out how much it's actually going to suck and if you really need to do this.
1. What Am I Hoping To Gain?
Seriously, though, what do you think will happen if you spend hours stalking your ex's new partner on social media? Do you think you'll come out of it happier and healthier? No, you don't. And if you do, then you're lying to yourself.
Before engaging in any kind of stalking behavior on social media on your ex's new partner (or even on your ex themselves) ask yourself honestly what you're hoping to gain. It's likely you won't be able to come up with any good answer.
That's because there isn't any. There is literally nothing to be gained from stalking an ex's new partner on social media, so don't do it.
2. Will I End Up Comparing Myself To Them?
Are you going to sit there and start wondering whether her blonde hair is more blonde than yours? Are you going to think that she looks fitter and then vow to hit the gym? Are you going to suspect she's not as smart as you are?
These comparisons are all useless wastes of time. There is no point — I repeat, NO point — in sitting there comparing yourself to someone who, in all likelihood, is very different from you. That's kind of the point: You and your ex broke up for a reason, so now, they are probably trying something new.
Not only that, but the world makes us wonder about our appearance enough already. So many of us are judged for being too thin, too fat, too short, too tall, too curvy... it's BS. Don't add any more self-angst by stalking your ex's new partner. It's not worth it.
3. Will I Have Negative Thoughts About Them?
If you stalk your ex's new partner on social media, will the ugly side of you come out?
"Ew, look at that short skirt."
"She went to that school? I bet she couldn't get into a better one."
"How many guys does she tag in her photos?"
Ladies, just, no. The world is a crappy enough place as it is, and there is no need to add negativity in our brains and hearts by thinking ugly thoughts about another human being, who may actually be a pretty cool person. After all, you both dated the same person, so you must have some things in common.
Resist the urge to judge and, instead, take the high road and don't stalk.
4. Will I Be Tempted To Talk Badly About Them?
If you stalk your ex's new partner, what are the chances you'll be tempted to hop on the phone or start a group text with your four best friends where you all start picking apart the new partner?
Well, one thing even worse than having bad thoughts about your ex's new partner is actually speaking bad thoughts about them. No one should be tearing anyone down, but women doing this to other women is particularly vitriolic. Save the gossip for those stupid teeny-bopper movies that Lindsay Lohan once starred in.
5. Will I Want To Reach Out To My Ex?
Will stalking your ex's new partner make you want to actually reach out to your ex? (Don't lie to yourself. This is important.)
Seeing that your ex is happy in a new relationship (or generally seeing that your ex has moved on) may make you want to reach out to them. It could be because you have a desire to know you're still relevant and important to them, or it could be just to see if you can rock the boat. Both of these are bad reasons.
No good will come from reaching out to your ex, especially if they are in a new, happy relationship. Let them be happy. And now, you go be happy and get off their social media.
6. Will It Send Me Into A Spiral Of Analysis?
"Did we break up because they like taller girls?"
"Did they end things because I'm not pretty enough?"
"Did our relationship fall apart because they were already chatting?"
Don't do this to yourself. Stalking your ex's new partner will likely send you down a rabbit hole of analysis. You'll analyze yourself, your ex, their new partner, your relationship, your breakup, and everything in between.
And you'll find that it is entirely not worth it. You probably did enough analysis right after your breakup, so there's no need to do more now. Just go ahead and log out of Facebook and Insta for the day. You'll be glad you did.
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