8 Reasons Why She Doesn't Want SWAG, She Wants A Gentleman

by Dan Scotti

Swag has become the new “it word” for cool dudes. We hear it every day, as it’s one of the most overused ad-libs across hip-hop radio stations nationwide. It’s constantly popping up across social media, seeing that it’s equally as clichéd as a hashtag, too.

The word has become a standard for young men to strive toward, regardless of it’s real-life relevance in daily operations – or lack thereof. I mean, think about it. Can you honestly remember the last time you used “swag” on a résumé or uttered the term in a job interview? I doubt it.

Still, it manages to buzz across conversational circles everywhere. The thing is, like all “trendy” things, swag will inevitably fade out and make way for the next hip phrase before too long. Trust me, it’s the nature of the business.

Having said that, there are certain ‘crazes’ that never go out of style. In the same way Ralph Lauren has managed to stay relevant for decades upon decades, class has too. “Class” is “swag’s” older, more sophisticated brother – and has always been a quality of attraction for women. While doing things with “swag” might seem cool, for now, you should start tailoring your behaviors with “class” for the future.

Here are 8 reasons to start.

8. She doesn’t want you to pay for everything, she just wants you to pay attention to detail.

There are times when you should be a stand-up guy and open up your wallet, even during times when you realize it might not be the most sensible thing to do. Times when you’re out to dinner with potential business partners – or celebrating one of your friend’s accomplishments.

When it comes to women, on the other hand, a lot of times simply “opening up your wallet” can be seen as a “cop out.” It will say a lot more about the person who can satisfy a woman without dollar signs. Ultimately, when it comes to matters of life, the most important things usually cost the least.

7. She doesn’t need rich clothes, she wants rich character.

I’m not going to downplay the importance of one’s style – or the way they dress, alike. Are these things important? Sure, but they’re hardly necessary for survival within the dating world.

Your clothes might attract a woman from the other side of the bar, and they might even provoke some brief conversation, but without a personality – how long do you really expect that conversation to last. No woman, at least the right woman, is going to date you solely off the strength of your Balmain jeans. If you can impress a women with your character, it will take precedence over everything else.

6. She doesn’t need you to have a nice car, she just wants you to have drive.

If you don’t have big dreams or some ambition, it won’t matter, anyway. You’ll get as far in life pushing a Panamera turbo as you would riding a bicycle. Ultimately, cars are only designed to get you from point A to point B, but where these points lie on the "bigger map," so to speak, is left in the hands of the driver (that's you).

Women will always be attracted to drive, not what you drive. Determination is a personality trait that can easily translate from your own office to future relationships.

The ability to pursue aspirations, or even people, will never be confined to the logo on your steering wheel – and women notice that. After all, if you’re determined enough, you’ll get there by any means – even if that equates to walking.

5. She doesn’t need gifts, she just wants you to be present.

Gifts aren’t meaningful when they’re just handed out as compensation for some part of your relationship that may be lacking. If you like a girl, the most valuable thing you can give her is your own time.

The things you do together will always outlast the material things you accumulate over the course of a relationship. Most independent women won’t have an issue treating themselves to things, so provide them with something they can’t find in a retail store.

4. She doesn’t need a shotcaller, but telephone calls are appreciated.

You don’t need to be the life of the party to win over any women. Women just want to feel appreciated, and the easiest way you can show this to them is by simply picking up the phone.

It won’t take long, it doesn’t always have to be a marathon conversation like you’re speaking to your mom for the first time since leaving for college. When a girl genuinely likes you, she probably just wants to hear her voice – she’s not necessarily looking to hear anything in particular. Everyone says “it doesn’t take much” to make a phone call, yet, still, nobody makes phone calls.

So, when you actually do call her, I guarantee she’ll notice it.

3. You don’t have to be a player, she doesn’t want games

Success with women isn’t gauged by any number or “kill count,” despite what you may have heard in college. You don’t need to have sleep with tons of women to be a “ladies man,” you simply need to find what works for you – and execute that well.

Most women aren’t looking for games. From what I’ve learned, just shoot straight with women you’re attracted to – it’ll avoid miscommunications and missed signals. If you like her, text her first. If you don’t try to play any games, you’ll have a lesser chance of losing in the end.

2. She doesn’t need a big check, she wants you to check in on the little things.

You don’t need to throw dwarfs around your office like Jordan Belfort – or even work on Wall Street, for that matter – to win the heart of Miss Right. Your job won’t define you, nor will the paycheck you earn. The way you treat the girl you’re together with, however, in many cases, will.

Trust me, there’s a ton of pretentious pricks with huge salaries and nobody who wants to eat dinner with them – and that’s because most sane women wouldn’t swap bad company for any sum of money. Focus on the little things – complimenting her, surprising her, sticking to your own word. All of these things are free, and all of them will reap far more dividends with her than any bank statement could.

1. She doesn’t need swag, she just wants a gentleman.

She doesn’t need swag. Over the years “swag” has increasingly diverged from its "parent word," swagger.  While swagger refers to a certain type of confidence, more so innate, “swag” has become a term we use to describe the flashiness that usually comes without much good reason.

A woman doesn’t need “swag,” she wants a gentleman. Swag is for Instagram flexing, I guess – if you’re into that – but it doesn’t really coincide with the world of relationships. At least not those of any real substance. It won’t bolster the grounds on which your relationship stands and it won’t reflect as well as you might think it does, for the long term.

Be a gentleman, it’s a lot more enduring, and it will prove to women that you’re focused on them – and others, in general – as opposed to just yourself and the “swaggy” persona you’ve wasted time and money crafting.