It has come to my attention lately that men are somehow still (in 2016) uncomfortable, turned off and even disgusted by a woman's sexual history. I'm sure you know the kind of guy I am talking about. The one who becomes immediately uninterested in a woman simply because her “number” is too high.
Some guys seem to think they have the right to judge a woman's character based solely off of how many people she has slept with. Don't mind that these same guys have slept with the entire cast of "90210" ... because that's different, right?
We've all heard it: “Oh, dude. If she's slept with that many people, she must have daddy issues,” or the classic, “You really shouldn't trust a girl who's slept with that many guys. She'll for sure cheat on you.”
This kind of behavior by men conditions women into thinking their past sexual experiences are somehow wrong, and this can really take a toll on a woman's self-worth and self-esteem. So much so that a large number of women feel the need to lie about their past to a potential lover or partner.
Women have been told for years that this is just the way the world works and to “get used to it.” But it's time to shift the conversation directly to the many slut-shaming men out there, some of whom do it without even realizing.
Let me tell you something a friend once said to me that really stuck: A woman's life is not practice for being your wife.
Just think about that one for a second. A woman does not (and rightfully should not) have to stop and think, “Hmmm, will my future partner approve of this, or will he think I'm a slut?” before every single sexual encounter. If men don't live in fear of being called a slut for sleeping around, then why should we? If we want to let our freak flag fly, who's to stop us? News flash: It's not you.
Women are not going to limit themselves simply because one day some insecure little boy might be uncomfortable about the realities of sex. Sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. What did you expect? For her to sit around knitting, waiting for you to come along to explore herself and her sexuality? All the while, you're out there "scoring" left and right? F*ck no.
I'm sorry to crush all of your boyish dreams, but a woman's sex drive doesn't just miraculously appear the first time she lays eyes on you. Odds are she had a life (and sex life) before you, and if you hold onto this slut-shaming frame of mind, she'll sure as hell have one after you.
As a woman, I know firsthand just how hard it can be to feel completely comfortable in your own skin. I also know just how much damage that four letter word can do … slut.
Everyone has made mistakes, and I'm sure we've all kissed a few frogs along the way. But no one on this earth has the right to hold your decisions against you. It is important for every woman to realize that no matter how ashamed someone tries to make you feel about your past. Without it, you wouldn't be the bad*ss bitch you are today.
And men, you need to step back and realize just how much harm can come from this kind of slut-shaming. Trying to control a woman's sexuality is another form of policing her freedom. It is up to each woman to decide who she does or does not want to sleep with, and when a man tries to judge her, it only speaks to that man's character (FYI, you look like a dick).
As a grown man, you should be able to understand that the number of people a woman has slept with 1) does not directly affect her moral character, and 2) really doesn't concern you. So, to all of the men out there who refuse to date, marry, befriend or associate themselves with a woman because of her number, grow up. Please, and thank you.