What dark, dismal world would we live in without the art of fantasy? I don't want to imagine how bleak and cold the universe would feel without the glitter of an illustrious, wild, unabashed fantasy.
Especially, SEXUAL fantasies. Oh, do I love me a good ~sex fantasy~.
See, Kittens, I was derived from thick British roots and sternly instructed from early childhood to act like a PROPER LADY, OR ELSE. I was a sexually shy girl creature for most of my life. Truth be told, I still am. I know, I know it doesn't SEEM like it, but trust me, a woman can be bold in her writing and shy in her life.
However, I've been hellbent with dirty, un-ladylike fantasies for as long as I can remember. I tried to repress them with every fiber of my adolescent being -- but a fantasy wants what a fantasy wants, right? Somethings are just bigger than us.
In the real world, I remained a buttoned-up entity, but in the darkness of my dirty mind, I was an insatiable sexual goddess who let her mind go wherever the hell it wanted. And damn, babe, it's liberating to let yourself dream all the dirty dreams stewing inside of you.
In the past decade, I've turned some of my sexual fantasies into a reality. I mean, I dreamed about girl-on-girl action years before I realized I was a tried and true lesbian. But other fantasies I keep safely stored away in the folds of my imagination. That's the beauty of a fantasy: It grants you the freedom to explore everything but allows you to pick and choose what you want to manifest in your real life.
I think everyone should fantasize all the time. Fantasize about love. Fantasize about money. Fantasize about travel. But most importantly, fantasize about SEX. After all isn't our sexuality at the core of who we are? And don't our most hidden sexual fantasies reveal the most naked truths about our souls? I happen to think so.
Our zodiac signs are also very telling of what's lurking beneath the surface our skin. So I figured it was about time we connected our sex fantasies to our zodiac signs.
So here it is, ladies and gents. The perfect sexual fantasy for your zodiac sign. And remember: It's always important to read about all of the zodiac signs, for sometimes, the greatest inspiration can be derived from stepping outside of our astrological comfort zones.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19): sexual submission
It's no secret that I LOVE me a good Capricorn. In fact, I've always been wildly attracted to Capricorns. Your reliable nature makes me feel safe, and your relentless ambition is a massive, MEGA turn-on. The combination: sexually irresistible.
You like to be in control, my always capable Capricorn. And honey, you usually are, aren't you now?
Which is why your sexual fantasy is the exact opposite of your "in control" lifestyle. After all, don't we all know that people who are perfectly strung together in their lives get off on being pulled the f*ck apart in their sex lives?
You fantasize about being gorgeously ~submissive~. You want to be ordered around and told what to do, don't you? But shhh, I won't tell anyone about your sexy little secret.
And that's half the turn-on, isn't it? The fact that you keep your submissive desires buried deep within yourself, until you find an amazing lover who can pull your little submissive secret out of you and turn your hidden fantasy into a very real reality, baby.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18): wild ocean sex
We are in the age of the Aquarius, so water babe, this is YOUR TIME to set the sexual trends. You are, after all, the current leader of the zodiac, and WE look to YOU to push us out of comfort zone. Especially these days.
Your sexual fantasy resides within nature. Not just any sort of nature but in the dark and stormy waters of the great outdoors. You just want to engage in insatiable, crazy, hair-pulling sex in a dangerous, wild ocean. You're an adventurous spirit, and you get off when submerged in the sexy salt water of the sea.
You don't care if it's shark-feeding hour. You don't care if the riptide could potentially drown you. You don't care if people on the beach are watching you and your lover like spectators.
In fact, the riskiness of it all is precisely what turns you the f*ck on. You're practically a mermaid with a long, wild mane. And just like a mermaid, you can withstand anything. Even the tempestuous prowess of the ocean.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20): body painting
Pisces are the artistic, visual creatures of the great zodiac. You're deeply sensitive (but you hide it oh so well). Your elusive, mysterious prowess is sort of intoxicating. What's sexier than a ~mysterious~ artist? Nothing babe. N-o-t-h-i-n-g.
Your sexual fantasies are even artistic. Pisces dream of paint and bodies gorgeously intertwining.
First, it starts out with YOU, all alone in your studio painting a masterpiece. Then, the sexiest entity you've ever laid your artistic eyes on waltzes into the room. This person distracts you from your beloved craft. You pretend to be irritated.
However, within minutes, you're locking lips, rolling around in an entire rainbow spectrum of pain colors. You finish sex breathless with both of your bodies adorned in (wet) PAINT.
The two of you look like a coveted piece of modern art after sex. And to be honest -- after mind-blowing sex like that, you have become a work of art.
Aries (March 21 to April 19): strip tease
Oh, an unattainable Aries. I like things I can't have, so naturally, I like YOU. And you, darling Aries, don't like things that come so easily, either. (You detest the sale rack.)
You like to put up a fight to get what you want. You wish other people could be as sexy and unattainable as you are. You're sick of being the courageous one. You're weary of being the leader. You're burnt out from being the adventurous one.
Which is exactly why you get lost in fantasies of an illicit strip tease from a fearless, exotic, beautiful individual. A rare person who can put you in your place and tease you until you just can't handle it anymore. You want someone who takes his or her clothes of so slowly that your entire body is teeming with relentless desire.
By the time you have this exotic entity naked in the flesh, you will be full of so much tension that the two of you will have the craziest, most spine-tingling, incredibly intense, hair-pulling, can't-get-enough SEX ever.
Expert's tip: If you want to find someone who can tease you as well as YOU tease the masses, maybe look for some Aries-on-Aries action. Zodiac-on-zodiac sex might be controversial in some circles, but I say screw it. Isn't controversy a turn-on in and of itself?
Taurus (April 20 to May 20): fire and ice
Guess what, sweet kittens? Yours truly over here is one HELL of a Taurus. And I think we're the most deeply sensual creature on the great expanse of the zodiac.
We are connected to our senses in a way most people can't even fathom. And, no surprise here, but our libidos are entirely connected to our senses, too. As indulgent creatures, we want to have it all: Touch. Smell. Taste. VISUALS. Give it to me, and give it to me in excess, please.
Which is why our perfect sexual fantasy is a little game, I like to call "fire and ice."
In our vivid, illustrious fantasies, we want to drip candle wax all over bodies. Just like they do in the movies.
And ice? Oh, the things a girl or boy can do with ICE. Don't believe me? Get a little down and dirty with some ice, and you will see what I mean. It's sensory overload, and we can't get enough.
But you know what's special about a stubborn Taurus creature? We will make sure our fantasy turns into a reality. We are convincing creatures, and our partners are always happy to play along in whatever sensual game we've decided we want to PLAY tonight.
Because they know that when you hook up with a Taurus, it will always culminate in a mind-blowing, multi-facted, three-dimensional ORGASM.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20): threesome
A Gemini exudes s-e-x-u-a-l-i-t-y. I've said it before, and I will say it again: A Gemini is one of the sexiest creatures of the entire star-adorned zodiac. They always give their partners what they least expect.
But you're a twin, Gemini. You want double the trouble. But you're used to doubles. Which means two simply isn't enough for you when it comes to sex. You just want more, don't you? Which is why when you close your eyes and begin to indulge in an illicit fantasy, you dream of threesomes.
After all, you crave adventurous sex, and what's more adventurous than adding a mysterious third to your typical duo? What pushes a twin further out of his or her comfort zone than adding a THIRD? Nothing, baby. Nothing.
I mean two is a crowd, but three is a party. And you want to party.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22): boundary-breaking role-play
I've had long-term relationships with two deeply sensitive, incredibly complicated and naturally gorgeous Cancers. You Cancers aren't easy -- you're the opposite of easy. You're multifaceted and dynamic. However, don't you need to be a little c-o-m-p-l-e-x in order to have a really intricate fantasy?
Your rich well of emotions runs deep, and your fantasies are as equally intricate as your wealth of feelings. Which is why you, sweet, sensitive Cancer, like to dream of role-play.
But not just any old role-play. Boundary breaking role-play. You like to challenge societal roles within your role-plays. You have to complicate things.
You want to be the policeman who gets the ticket from the intoxicated girl, not the other way around, if you catch my drift. Your sensitivity gives you a wild, dirty imagination that can dream up things no other sign can. Write an erotic fiction book someday, will you?
Leo (July 23 to August 22): sex toys, sex toys, sex toys
Oh, my playful, charismatic LEOS. I adore you so. Don't ever change. Promise? Your excessive vanity is a breath of fresh air. Your ability to lift our spirits with your magnetic energy is a true gift that I can't imagine life without.
You give a lot to the world at large. And when you decide to check out and indulge in an X-rated fantasy, the first place your mind goes to is: TOYS. Yes, Leo kittens, TOYS.
Sex toys, that is. You want to try it all. Vibrators, dildos, whips, chains, restraints, leather, clit stimulators GALORE. The more expensive in price, the better. You've always been a bit pretentious in your taste, and that pricey palate translates directly into your taste in sex toys. In fact, you dream up sex toys that don't even exist with price tags we can't even wrap our brains around.
Anyone hooking up with a Leo? Head straight to Babeland, babe, and purchase a hot little sex toy for your ~Leo lover~.
He or she will be forever grateful, I promise.
Virgo (August 23 to September 22): discipline
Virgo's are incredibly precise creatures who pay close attention to specific detail. You're a logical breed, and we often look to our loyal Virgos to help solve all of our problems.
And you, my precious virgo, are SICK and TIRED of everyone needing you to swoop in and rescue him or her.
So what do you fantasize about? Disciplining all of us sinful, disorganized (but HOT) messes of human beings. That's right, Virgo. When you let that controlled mind of yours wander off to dirty places, all you dream about is ordering us the f*ck around.
After all, we've been, bad, bad boys and girls and are secretly begging for you to let us have it. So we're going to be extra bad, just in case you want to turn that scalding hot fantasy into a stone cold reality, baby.
Libra (September 23 to October 22): promiscuous sex
In your everyday life, all of YOU, my balanced beauties, are deep and soulful lovers. You have an incredible amount of love to give, which is a beautiful trait. You are deeply optimistic relationship types who will do just about anything to make it work. You know how to connect love and sex (love sex).
So why, dear WHY are you having such illicit fantasies of acute promiscuity, my dear? Because it's not in your nature. And fantasies give us the ability to step outside of our comfort zones and live on the edge.
In the darkness of your mind you dream, dream, dream of having promiscuous sex with multiple partners (maybe even a few different ones in a day). You're tired of being balanced. You're ready to tip the scales and juggle multiple bodies at once.
Go for it, Libra. Go. For. It. You deserve it.
Scorpio (October 23 to November 21): extreme domination
It's no secret that scorpios are ~highly sexual~ beings. You just radiate that sexual energy, babe. That orgasmic energy, babe. Because you're effortlessly sexy. Because you're effortlessly fearless.
In short: You've got a ton of swagger, and you have no trouble pulling in ~hot entities~ that are willing and eager to bed you on the very first first date. That's just the way it is. You were born this way.
However, all of that ~sexual energy~ needs to be channeled through some pretty extreme fantasies, darling. Which is why when you close your eyes, your brain goes right into "extreme domination nation" mode. You want to be the one hand-cuffing your partner. You want to be in control and on top. You want to have your way with "innocent" little us. You want it to hurt so good.
Lucky for us, you're a really good dominatrix, and we're willing and eager to turn your fantasy into that of a THRIVING reality.
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21): remote control
A Sagittarius has some intensely positive energy. You just radiate the ~good vibes~. And that's not the only "vibe" you're interested in. See where I'm going with this?
You're into feeling the vibe-rations beneath the hot, sweaty sheets, deep into the night. Especially when that positive mind is free to fantasize about "bad" things. You want to feel good, right? And what feels better than a vibrator?
Well, a vibrator WITH a remote control.
You like to hand that remote control over to a sex partner in the depths of your wicked thoughts. You like someone to have complete control over your orgasm. And what's sexier than another person making you come when you don't expect it?
Nothing, my sexy Sagittarius. F*cking nothing.