Lucas Ottone

I Wrote The Perfect Text Response To A Booty Call So You Don't Have To

“If you want to get to know me, you know where to find me. I don't do booty calls.”

This was the hardest text I've sent in a while. I sat there with my heart pounding, nervous about what he was going to say back. I almost turned my phone to airplane mode because avoiding things is obviously the best way to handle them. And then I thought, "I just turned a guy down for sex and I feel bad about it. WTF is wrong with me? Why do I feel as if I owe anybody anything? Especially my body."

And then I decided to write this article.

I'm all too familiar with the aforementioned booty call, but I'm not used to being honest about my feelings toward it. I'd rather just avoid the awkward encounter, ignore the dude and drink a bottle of wine by myself in a self-inflicted, 20-something, I'm-gonna-die-alone pity party.

Sending that text, I knew the outcome was unlikely to be good, but I'm done caring and I HATE BOOTY CALLS! As a human being with a vagina, it's not hard to find sex if I wanted it. At 25 years old, I am finally starting to respect myself. I know what I want and I'm kicking my own ass trying to get it. I pour my energy into my writing, exercise regularly and am finally being more aware of the foods and men that enter my body.

I get it. We are Millennials. We are afraid of intimacy. We hide behind our screens, stalking the profiles of people we used to know and occasionally hook up with strangers when our hands just aren't enough.

Sex is easy. Sending a 2am, “You up?” text is easy. Waiting until a girl practically drinks enough to not think about the morning after and comes home with you is easy. Being real with someone is hard. Missing someone is hard. Wondering what someone is really feeling or thinking is hard. But all of the things that come with it make it worth it. I am just so tired of everything being meaningless.

So ladies and gentlemen, listen up. Girls, next time a guy texts you to “hang out” late at night, tell him no if you're not feeling it. You don't owe anybody anything. I don't care if he just bought you a Lamborghini or asked the bartender to make you a shot by that name. Your body is beautiful and giving it to someone that doesn't care about you isn't going to give you the validation you are looking for. Just ask my 22-year-old self.

Having sex with the guy who wants to “watch a movie” isn't going to make him want you, regardless of how good the sex may be. Not the way you want him to want you, anyway. If you feel like a bitch, own it. Only a bad bitch says what's really on her mind. The right guy is going to respect the girl who respects herself. You don't seem clingy. You don't seem crazy. You are not asking him to have your babies or even to be your boyfriend. You are just asking for a little bit of time to decide if you want his penis to be inside your vagina. If he's not OK with that, tell him to GTFO.

And guys, man the f*ck up and ask the girl out. The worst thing she will say is no. Take her on a real date. Tell your friends about her. Kiss her in public. Caring is scary, I know. It opens you up to heartbreak and makes you feel vulnerable. But it also opens you up to all of the awesome things you've been afraid of, like someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself. Or a friend who knows the real you, not just the version of yourself you want the world to see. Someone you can call before you go to sleep if they're not already beside you. A partner in crime. Someone to maybe share the L-word with.

You may be reading this thinking, “This girl is an idiot. Relationships are overrated. Hookups are casual and easy and I like my life to be casual and easy. If you don't care, you can't get hurt.” And I'll agree that I was once the queen of those words.

I was the queen of, “I'm just gonna be a Samantha Jones-esque boss bitch for the rest of my life and everyone else can suck it.” I would probably still say those things when I'm in a IDGAF mood. But in reality, everyone eventually wants something more than a Netflix and Chill invite. Even if they won't admit it to themselves.