Relationships can sometimes be packed full of emotion. It sounds nice — being exposed to such a high level of emotions will make you feel more alive than you have most likely every felt before. The only issue arises is that these emotions tend to be of the negative variety.
So although you may feel more alive than you ever have, you’ll probably wish you were dead. In my experience, relationships that are this intense and heated usually end in a flaming fury, leaving both pyromaniacs hurt and damaged. So you and your lover split, broke up, decided to untie the knot — okay, fine.
But now you need to move on with your life, something that proves to be difficult no matter how many times we go to the rodeo. Leaving on good terms may be possible, but not probable. It is one thing to end a fling and another to end a meaningful relationship. In fact, it can make things a lot more difficult if you end things on a good note, deciding that although you are both great people, you will never be able to work.
I’m not suggesting to end things awfully simply in order for you yourself to get over your ex — that’s selfish; inflicting pain on anyone intentionally is never the answer. However, hating them secretly behind their back may very well be the best solution — I mean, since you are broken up they will never actually need to know.
The first mistake that many ex-couples make is trying to leave a line of communication open between them post-break up. Talking to someone who you are trying to get over is not a good idea. In fact, it’s best to cut off whatever ties to them you have. This is not for the purpose of being an ass, but rather because in order to get over that person, you must stop thinking about them.
Anything or anyone that brings them up or brings the thought of them to your mind is slowing down your progress. Try to avoid mutual friends for a few weeks, avoid your favorite restaurants and coffee shops; avoid anything that reminds you of them.
Hopefully, with enough effort avoiding the memory of them, the memory of them will begin to fade and you can start living your life again. However, sometimes the scars left behind these passionate relationships can take years to heal. If that is the case then your best bet may be to form a sort of hatred for that person.
Hating your ex is rather easy. Chances are that you have more than enough history filled with awful, painful moments to fuel your hatred. Remember that time she stood you up and lied about why? Remember that time he forgot your birthday? Remember that time you caught her flirting with some random asshole at the bar while you went to take a piss?
Did you already forget that time that he slept with a friend of yours, explaining that he didn’t think that the two of you were exclusive? I am sure that you can come up with more than enough dirt from your relationship to keep you pissed off for years. It may even be a good idea to write all of these situations and negative memories down in case you need a physical-format reminder about why you should be angry with them.
Another good idea is to write down exactly why it is that you broke up with them in the first place. Make a list of all the bad, all the dirty and all the nasty — not the tie you up, rub you down with coco butter and spank you kind of nasty, but the “I can’t believe I touched that” kind of nasty — and keep it somewhere where you can get to it whenever you are feeling especially lonely and are considering phoning your ex.
Allow all of this to fuel your anger and your hate. It will be difficult to form a hatred for a person that you at one point loved, but with enough practice, anything is possible. Remember, the point of this is not to continuously focus on how much you hate your ex, but rather to only hate them when the thought of them comes to mind. The true goal is to forget about them entirely.
Having them removed from your consciousness and life entirely is the end-goal, nevertheless they are bound to present themselves from time to time, whether or not you wish them to. Focus on their flaws and what you dislike about them, why they make you angry and why you can never, ever be together and you will eventually happily move on with your life.
It’s a shame to waste your precious youth hung up on a failed cause. You made mistakes in the past — live and learn. It’s time for you to go screw up your next relationship.
Paul Hudson | Elite.