When you break up with your exes there’s always that temptation to stay friends with them because you cannot imagine not having them in your life, as clichéd as that sounds. But remaining friends with your ex is like getting a bad haircut: It will eventually grow out, and in the meantime, everyone is secretly talking behind your back about it.
The reality is that once you two have crossed over into the world of romance and intimacy, it’s almost impossible to rewind and keep it platonic. Love conquers all, remember?
Remaining friends with an ex is just another tactic in delaying The Big Break Up. When you’re that emotionally involved with someone, it’s only natural that you’ll have a hard time letting him or her go. So let us give you a hand…
Here’s why you should never be friends with your ex.
1. Your ex won’t give you honest advice
And let’s be real for a second, neither will you. It’s way too hard to give your ex-flame unbiased guidance, especially in the dating department. You two used to get it on underneath the restaurant table; now you’re going to discuss where to take the new Tinder fling on a first date? Not happening.
Unless you’re a masochist and actually enjoy the pain of watching your ex move on without you, it’s better to end it completely once you two break up.
2. It hurts more than it makes you happy
This watered-down version of a relationship is way too torturous to fully abide by, and we all know it. We went from licking each other’s genitals to talking about the weather.
You’ll notice the widening void where he used to tickle your back before bed, or she helped you pick out clothes in the morning. It’s the worst tease because that person is right in front of you, but not giving you the same affection as in the past.
3. It’s harder to give other people first chances
It’s only natural that you’ll compare the next person you meet to your previous partner, but you’ll be closed off to even meeting someone new if your old flame is still in the picture. It’s like going out to dinner when you know you have fresh groceries in the fridge -- you’ll be less likely to indulge if you’re thinking about your goods back home.
4. Too many mixed signals
Just because he still calls you by your special nickname, or she brings up that favorite inside joke, doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex has the same feelings for you as he or she did then... or does it? It’s too confusing! Every borderline romantic gesture can be misconstrued as something more, and it’s too tempting to act on.
5. It’s unfair to the new person in your life
Unless you found this person via a third-party ad on Craigslist, your new partner will not approve of your friendship with your ex. Not to mention it’s not worth upsetting a potential lifelong lover for someone who was part of your past. This isn’t “The Notebook” or “Sweet Home Alabama,” in which familial pressures have caused you two to split. Remaining friends with your ex makes the new person you’re with feel like he or she can’t fulfill your needs or fully trust you.
6. You’ve seen each other naked
Just an observation: In most other platonic relationships with the opposite sex, you don’t usually see each other without clothes on. This complicates things.
Plus, you’ve had sex -- not just the one-night stand variety -- and we all know you can’t go backwards after that.
7. You’ll inevitably have the “Why did we break up?" talk
Let me tell you firsthand, regardless if it was you or your ex who did the deed, that conversation is always going to suck. Someone’s feelings always get hurt and then you’re left thinking that you are incapable of having a relationship with anyone else. This will definitely not help you move on from your ex.
8. You know each other too well
Your ex knows certain things about you that no one else does, which inherently makes your bond more special even if it’s trying to be on the friend-level. Do friends know that your penis curves to the left a little? Do friends know that your favorite panties have bows on them? Yeah, we thought so.
9. You will feel undesirable
When it’s time for your friendship meet-ups (What does that even entail? Coffee dates? Lame.), you’ll try your best to look especially awesome, but when you don’t get the let's-makeout-right-now response you want, you’ll feel especially dejected. It’s going to take more than your favorite sweater to get back together with your ex, so you might as well spare yourself the anguish.
10. They broke your heart
Uh, have we forgotten the real reason why you two are friends in the first place? Maybe since you spent the past week crying, self-destructing and binge-drinking over breaking up with your ex, you should reconsider being besties.
...Or maybe because your ex stung you so badly that you’ve resorted to reading an entire list about why you should never be friends with him or her.