Why Real Men Don't Have To Pay For Sex

by Lauren Martin

I've always been innately curious about the idea of strip clubs and escorts. It's a part of a man's world, like periods and "Real Housewives" for women. Unlike our male counterparts, women do not crave sex to such a degree that we are willing to pay for it with a stranger. We do not objectify the male body as something to be bought and owned.

In my hours of disillusionment, wondering if I will ever find a man faithful and honest enough to call my own, I can't help but wonder if it's too much to ask to find a guy who doesn't or won't pay for sex?

After stating the question, I've realized that there certainly are men out there who haven't and never will pay for sex; these are the men who should embody the male species. In my eyes, real men don't pay for sex. A man who needs to objectify women obsessively is not a man at all.

Someone once asked me if I would ever date a man who had paid for sex -- a man, who, even if it was one regrettable time, paid a prostitute or went into the back room at the strip club.

While I don't like to judge men based on past events and single definers, I think when a man pays for sex, it says a lot about his character. It takes a certain type of man to believe that women can be bought and sold. It takes a certain type of man to view sex solely as something that can be obtained through cash. A real man should not believe that he can win or have a woman through a transaction. A real man doesn't believe that x-amount of dollars is worth the touch of a woman.

Many make the argument that sex doesn't have to be looked at as an intimate act between two lovers. Rather, it's an animalistic urge and need that everyone has, as basic as hunger. However, my argument is that just because you need sex doesn't mean you have to get it through prostitution; a real man knows how to get it without his credit card.

Real men understand that sex shouldn't be bought, but earned. Real men know how to captivate a woman, make her feel safe enough to trust and allow herself to feel, just like a man does. Real men, like women, can find sex without compromising their integrity and morals. Real men don't need the touch of a stranger to feel alive, to feel pleasure. Real men don't need to find comfort in the arms of a stranger. Real men don't need to submit to clichés to feel manly. A real man respects women. A real man would never take another man's daughter, forced to live a life of prostitution, to bed. A real man isn't satisfied with fake moans.

Another argument that impulsively comes when a man describes his right to indulge in prostitution, is that "cheap sex is paid sex and free sex is often the most expensive thing." Men like to defend their right to paid sex with the idea that dinners, alcohol and movie dates are all much more expensive than throwing a prostitute the going rate. What they are forgetting, however, is that taking a woman on a date isn't about taking her to bed, and if that's how you look at it, then you aren't a real man.

A man who wants to "invest in a woman" is investing in the experience that comes with getting to know someone, which can be just as stimulating and intimate as having sex. Taking a woman out to dinner is about having a connection with her, about getting to know her and understand exactly what she wants. Not all sex needs to have feelings attached to it, but it should be more than just an exchange of bodily fluids. The whole practice of wooing someone and getting her into bed is character building. If you never learn how to treat, please, respect and woo a woman, your life becomes shallow.

A man who is willing to take his time to get a woman into bed is willing to throw himself into all sorts of different situations without knowing the outcomes. He takes the risks and gambles for the reward. He learns valuable lessons about life and love, learning that everything you want isn't always attainable. He also learns that the greatest experiences are those you must work for.

If you have money and start obtaining sex through payment, how likely are you to stick with it? She's hot, easy and doesn't make you cuddle her after sex. She doesn't make you work for it or force you to go to sleep with blue balls. It's an easy out that cowards and fools take, denying themselves the experience that comes with having sex the right way.

Call me old-fashioned, disillusioned, stuck-up, naive or whatever comes to your mind, but I believe a man who has paid for sex doesn't deserve the privilege of being called a man. A man is someone who knows how to treat a woman and have a one-night stand without demoralizing her very being.

For men who are paying for sex or who believe taking a woman on a date is payment enough to have her, their intentions place value on sex as the end point. These men don't regard sex as a human need, an intimate moment or a fantastic joining of two beings in a relationship, and that's no man at all.

Photo credit: Wolf Of Wall St/Paramount Pictures