Why Men Love Bitches

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They’re rude, conceited, selfish, egocentric, and just plain mean. Yet men- all men- want to fuck them: bitches. But why? Are we self-hating, masochistic human beings that want to be punished by subjecting ourselves to the cruelty and degradation resulting from association with Satan’s little playmates? Possibly. But there could be other reasons why men love bitches.

For starters, men love a challenge. We are competitors at heart and don’t enjoy things as much if they are handed to us. That is why we fish and hunt; sure, the burger tastes great, but it would taste so much juicier if we were to go into the wild ourselves, camp out in the forest all night and wake up bright and early to hike over to the nearest farm and spear down the cow ourselves.

But seriously, once we find out that a women is going to be a challenge, even if we know that she will make our life a living hell until we get her into the sack, our natural instincts kick in and we are incapable of running the other way.

To us it’s literally a game. Once you catch our eye, the more you push us away, the more we want to prove to ourselves that we are good enough to have you. Men have huge egos. Belittle us and we have no choice but to prove to you, ourselves, and our possy that we are as gangster as our running mouths make us out to be.

Bitches in particular have a knack for making men feel little; men hate feeling little. Whenever we feel small or insufficient we overcompensate with something else. Ever see that guy juiced up to the point where his XL shirt seems to be XS on him? You’ve seen him before, driving his monster truck down the street road and roid raging.

He is most definitely compensating for something- he is either 4 feet tall or 4 inches short. Or he made the mistake of marrying a bitch.

You never want to marry a bitch. Fucking them is a different story; stack them on your mantle like trophies. But marrying them is basically signing your own death certificate- it’s suicide.

Bitches are not meant to marry. They are meant to be enjoyed for a very short period of time- because that is about as long as you can stand them- and then let lose upon the rest of humanity.

They are the big fish that look great in a photo, but you throw back into the water because you know they taste like shit and are far from edible. But reeling them in is some of the most fun a man can have. Bitches are tricky fish.

They don’t like the usual sweet and nice bait. They are cannibals; they like to eat their own. So the only way to get a bitch on the hook is to be an asshole. Treat them like shit and they will eventually let their guard down, take the bait, and only put up a slight fight as you reel them in.

It really is a shame that men find bitches appealing. Because we are sexually attracted to them, we will sleep with them and then, inevitably, leave them. And then we come off as the assholes. The world would be a better place if it were bitchless.

Men would come to their senses and marry the sweet girl next door. Men would never learn to be assholes because they would never need to be assholes. Humanity may even start to progress once again. But then again, is life worth living without the hunt?

@MrPaulHudson | Elite.