Why Believing In The Concept Of A Soul Mate Is Crazy

by Paul Hudson

Soul mates are a beautiful concept — I can’t argue against that. It’s poetic to believe that there is one person out there for you, a person you were born to love and who was born to love you. Of course, different people see the world in different ways. I, for example, have learned to think very rationally. I prefer hedging my bets on probability and I approach all questions from a logical and objective (as objective as possible) standpoint.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that there are certain statistical anomalies that can be found concerning duality or the existence of a non-physical and material plane. No one can without a doubt say that there is no “spiritual world” of some sorts. Although I am very skeptical of it existing with and utilizing a consciousness, I cannot say for a fact that the possibility of people being linked together on some ‘spiritual’ level is an impossibility. My question is: why must we believe we can only be connected to one other individual? Why not, say, two? Or six?

I can’t understand why we are so quick to assume that because the concept of a soul mate may possibly be reality, that it must mean that we can only have a single soul mate. What is it exactly about the concept of ‘one’ and ‘oneness’ that fascinates human beings so much? We would like to believe that there is one person out there that is just right for us. Just as most of us would like to believe that there is ‘One’ Creator that brought everything into being. I believe that human beings feel that they are part of something bigger than themselves.

We feel that we are connected to something grand and while we feel that we have autonomy, we at the same time feel that we are part of a greater whole. This is why I like to believe that human beings are meant to all love one another — not necessarily in the romantic sense, but as in brotherly love. If we are all part of something greater than ourselves, something that connects us all, then by hating others, we simultaneously hate a part of ourselves.

We are all meant to love one another and respect one another. But we aren’t talking about the sort of love that can be found between family members; we are discussing romantic love. Romantic love is not love of the soul; it’s love that is rooted in our minds. This is the reason so many people fall in and out of love; they fail to understand that what they are calling love is romantic love and that because it is all in their heads, they could change their perspective and love a person once again (in most cases; there are times when the psychological baggage is too much to let go of). You can love one person just as much as any other because you are already meant to love them like family and the romantic love that is necessary in order for you to feel in love is all partially a choice.

I say partially because we are creatures that in large part are molded by our experiences and outside factors that are outside our control. Our past experiences, present state of affairs, and future hopes all factor into the right person for us. Your past plays a crucial role in you being the person that you are today. It almost completely governs what you like and dislike and what makes you happy and unhappy.

The goals for the future will greatly determine the type of person you are likely to date (the idea is that both wants of both parties should ideally coincide). And your present circumstances and surroundings will wholly decide whom you could potentially meet. When you add all these factors together then you narrow the scope of potential candidates from every person in the world to significantly less — yet, almost never to only one. The truth is that we can potentially fall in love with almost anyone if all the variables were just right.

The person that we love right now is just that — the person that you love right now. There is never any guarantee that you will love that other person forever or that the other person will love you forever. You may very well ‘fall out of love’ with your partner. This is why so many will claim that while they love their partners, they aren’t ‘in love with them’ anymore.

You love them like you love family, but you are no longer romantically in love with them. And this is fine. We should never promise someone that we will be with them forever because it really could go either way depending on your life and theirs. People grow — we need to feel as if we are growing throughout our lives in order to feel alive. Sometimes people will grow apart.

When this happens, staying with that person will only stunt your growth. It is often the case that in order to allow ourselves to continue growing — continue making progress towards being better people  — we must find a different partner to grow alongside. One may see this as selfishness. I’d have to ask what is more selfish: leaving someone when you understand that you can never love them romantically again, that you are unable to grow with them, or staying together because you promised that you would while you live out your days with each being slightly more miserable than the last? There are no such things as soul mates in the traditional sense.

There is always someone out there to love you — but keep in mind that every time you start a relationship from scratch the relationship begins to grow from a little seed. If you ever want to experience love in its truest form then that seed has to one day touch the sky. If you keep quitting on people and making yourself believe that you can’t progress with them by your side when in reality you could convince yourself otherwise, then your tree will never grow past a superficial height.

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