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When It Comes To Your Breakup, You're Your Own Worst Enemy

When it comes to dealing with a breakup, girls are often their own worst enemies.

Why? Because when a relationship ends, there is a tendency to think that nothing else matters.

If you want to avoid compounding the hurt of a breakup, then the message you need to hear is quite simple – you’ve gotta keep it together.

1.  College is for frat parties, not for crying into your pillow

Your parents are right; college is absolutely vital to your future.

Everyone knows that your time in college is allocated as follows:

Given you’ve already got such limited spare time to dedicate to studying, you haven’t got a second to waste wallowing over a failed relationship.

However, if you are studying sociology, philosophy, feminist studies, art history, fashion design or photography, then do whatever you want – there are like five jobs for you guys collectively after graduation, so you should get used to failure now.

2. Work is a place for work, hitting on secretaries and stealing stationary.

Don’t jeopardize your career by running off to the bathroom to sob in a stall all day.

It’s unprofessional and is entirely selfish too, as other people might want to use the stall to avoid the boss, read gossip magazines, play candy crush or have sex.

If you do fall apart at work, your colleagues will doubt your professionalism as well as your ability to cope with stress. It might even cost you a promotion as they realize you aren’t cut out to be Assistant-Deputy-Vice-Manager of photocopying.

You might initially get sympathetic reactions from your colleagues, but eventually your behavior will wear thin. You’ll be remembered as the emotionally unreliable girl who went to pieces when her boyfriend broke up with her.

Your emotional instability will also make your male colleagues less interested in sleeping with you at the office Christmas Party – which is a total negative.

3. Just like junior high, no one wants to come to your (pity) party

If there is anything more boring than women’s tennis, it’s someone having a constant pity party.

Whilst we do acknowledge that briefly wallowing in self-pity is sometimes necessary and sadly unavoidable, be sure to keep it to a minimum and avoid excessive self-indulgence.

Family and friends are usually understanding and sympathetic and will tolerate a pity party for a good while; however, even they can only dissect his last text message for so long before wanting to strangle you.

Remember, hearing every detail of your day-to-day emotions is about as welcome as learning from your parents which sexual position you were conceived in.

If your friends wanted to listen to something mind numbingly repetitive, boring and uncreative, they would simply put on a Nickelback CD.

If you persistently act in this manner, sooner or later it won’t just be your ex who has abandoned you.

4. Avoid crappy romance movies

Finally – and perhaps most importantly – don’t go needlessly torturing yourself by watching "The Notebook" on repeat whilst lathering your face with ice cream.

Honestly, if there is anything more annoying than people bombarding Facebook with pictures of their ugly kids or stupid pets, it’s women who constantly champion "The Notebook" as being at the apex of romantic tales.

"The Notebook" is so goddam unrealistic.

Seriously, this guy who doesn’t seem that bright and really is a bit of a creepy stalker from the get-go, builds this stupid house in the middle of nowhere.

Now every girl is like, “I wish some semi-brain dead, creepy guy would stalk me at a carnival and then build me a house out in the middle of nowhere”

No, you don’t.

Why not?

Well, because it’s a house in the middle of nowhere and it would be boring. There would be no TV, X-box or Internet – so no way to update everyone about that diet that you’re not really on.

Putting aside the sheer ridiculousness of the premise, the woeful dialogue and the non-existent character development, there is one other facet of the plot line that defies all reality.

The idiot, ditzy girl from "Mean Girls" blows off the rich, charming, handsome, completely eligible and total ‘husband material’ guy who probably worked at Google or in cancer-curing research, for the half stupid tradesman who she met a few times when she was a kid.

Oh and they laid down on a road once.

It’s stupid. So don’t watch it or any other crappy romance movie for that matter.

Keeping it together and avoiding the hurt

So yes, breakups hurt, but it’s important to keep things in perspective.

There are bigger problems in this world than your failed relationship -- like the enduring popularity of One Direction.

You need to keep it together otherwise you will start to feel as though your life is falling to pieces.

A cycle of bad decisions and self-sabotage can lead to a downward spiral that can be very difficult to arrest – just ask Adam Sandler.

Most of all, you don’t want the lasting legacy from your relationship to be the pain and suffering of having to rebuild your life.

So relax, you will get over this breakup. You will find your soul mate one day.

Even if your soul mate is seven cats.

He's An Asshole Anyway | Elite

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