We've all got sh*t we're into in the bedroom. Some of the things we find hot may be normal, but a lot of it may seem downright weird.
Maybe you like to get slapped around. Maybe your boyfriend likes to have his balls tickled with a feather. We've all got our preferences.
We're all also a little hesitant to ask WHY it is we love the freaky or not so freaky stuff we do in le boudoir.
Never fear! Elite Daily has you covered.
We enlisted Emmalee Bierly and Caitlyn Caracciolo, two of the brightest experts out there, to answer all your questions.
Emmalee and Caitlyn are marriage and family therapists who specialize in sex therapy. They are the founders of The West Chester Therapy Group.
And they are here to save the day!
1. Why do we love the whole daddy/daughter fantasy?
It's as subjective to the individual who is having it as any other fantasy -- as we all have our own unique backgrounds… it is very common. Some different ways that this fantasy has been viewed are as another version of a 'submission' fantasy; it also falls along a common theme of common fantasies. It is so taboo and 'wrong' that it turns us on thinking about how 'dangerous' it is. Another possibility is that our fathers can be the templates of what we view as a strong partner. Keep in mind that because we fantasize about something, this does not mean that we would want a fantasy to cross over into the threshold of reality by any means. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
2. Why do we like to be dominated? Why do we love bondage?
Our society encourages independence and self-sufficiency. The majority of our day we spend needing to be in control and 'have it together.' Being dominated allows us to safely give up control and 'submit' to someone else's agenda. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
3. Why do we like to be choked and/or slapped?
Being choked and/or slapped is sort of like a 'light kink' for many people. It allows you to explore your kinky side without too much masochism. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
4. Why does name-calling turn us on? Why do we enjoy teasing when it's just torture?
There could be many different reasons for this, as this is unique to every individual and dependent on a variety of factors, such as background history and the dynamics of the different relationships peppered throughout your life. Some reasons… could be associating sex with being 'bad' and associating 'being bad' with the freedom to express your deepest sexual desires; it could be a form of intimacy (i.e. only my partner knows this side of me, or it's turning me on how vulnerable I am able to safely be around this person, etc.); or it could feel like another form of submission or dominance. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
5. Why does it feel better from behind?
…Some females may enjoy it because they are able to be present, and it can take away from of the anxiety of feeling insecure about your physical appearance. For males, it can be one of the best positions because it gives them more control and allows them to be a little more dominating. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
6. Why do we watch lesbian porn if we're straight? Why do we want to watch straight porn if we're lesbians?
Porn gives us an escape and a safe outlet to let our fantasies run wild, so just because you are turned on by a certain porn genre doesn't mean that you actually want to act out that fantasy. Lesbian porn tends to focus more on clitoral stimulation, oral sex and, in general, legitimate pleasure of a female. Because of this focus, it can be more of a turn on for females to watch. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
7. What position is the best for clitoral stimulation? G-spot?
One of the best positions would be cowgirl, especially if your partner has pubic hair, it can provide more clitoral stimulation. Also, if your partner is able to position himself sitting up with pillows behind him. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
8. Why do we bite? Why do we scratch?
When we are bitten or feel light to moderate pain, we experience arousal just like when we experience sexual stimulation… [it] is technically called odaxelagnia. Keep in mind, though, that biting is not everyone's cup of tea, and everyone's pain tolerance is different. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
9. What's the protocol of condom usage in a two-girls-one-guy threesome? Should you be changing it with both girls every single time?
Yes. One condom per person, per sexual act. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
Ugh. Sorry to burst your orgasmic bubble, guys. This isn't a porno.
10. Why do we have to imagine someone else when someone is going down on us?
It's even easier to fantasize about someone else when you can't see [his or her] face! -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
11. Why do guys love to have their balls fondled and played with?
For the men who do enjoy it, it is a pleasure center just like any erogenous zone. Ask your partner what type of pressure and sensation [he] enjoys in [his] testicles before diving in! -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
12. What is squirting? Can any woman do it?
To begin, squirting is NOT female ejaculation… It is basically urine. We don't know if any woman can do it, and if you want to get closer to trying, focus on g-spot stimulation, have extreme sexual confidence and a full bladder. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
13. What does it mean when we think about someone else while we're having sex with our partner?
It's usually nothing personal toward your partner. Don't read into it; it does NOT mean you are not attracted to [him or her]. The sexual unlocks the fantastical; we all have our sexual fantasies. When we are with just one partner sexually, that doesn't mean that all of our fantasies revolve around [him or her]. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
14. What's the difference between a fantasy and real, live fetish?
A fetish is commonly defined as an intense desire, fantasy or behavior centering on a sexual attraction involving an object, body part or activity that is necessary for sexual climax. If someone has a true fetish, [he or she] cannot climax without the presence of the fetishized object, body part or activity. A more common example of a fetish centering on a body part is a foot fetish, one involving an inanimate object could be women's underwear, and a fetish involving an activity could be smoking. Now, if you can orgasm without the fetishized object, body part or activity, then it is not a true fetish and could more accurately be described as a 'kink.' A kink can be described as an object, activity or situation that you find consistently and intensely erotic, but is not essential for you to have a successful sexual encounter. A fantasy is commonly defined as a mental image or thought that excites your sexuality. There are endless sexual fantasies, as well as, nonsexual fantasies that run through our minds. There are some that we would love to become a reality and others that could not be farther away from what we would want to happen in reality -- and may even be downright against our own morals and values. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkiIQEfG1WQ -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT