Tinder is already a sketchy app as it is. The problem? People are f*cking weird and creepy. No one is ever who he or she appears to be on the Internet.
Honestly, what kind of person is desperate enough to troll people on an app that judges people purely on their looks? Swipe left, swipe right -- how about erase that app, take a shower, get dressed and go to a f*cking bar.
Let’s take a look at the ten most common types of people you encounter on Tinder:
1. The Guy Who Asks You To Sit On His Face
This is not a joke, this actually happens -- and not once in a blue moon, but pretty damn often. If your opening line is asking a girl to sit on your face, do you actually think she is going to answer you? And if she does answer you, why the F would you even want to continue talking to this girl?
2. The Person With A Significant Other In Their Picture
Well, isn’t that nice? You've already told everyone enough about you without even engaging in any conversation, you cheating little sh*t. If you want to trick people into talking to you, at least conceal the fact that you are in a relationship. No one is going to want to talk to you if you're making out with someone in your photo.
3. The Person With No Picture
What the hell are you even doing on Tinder if you don’t have a picture? As shallow as it is, the whole basis of this app is to judge someone on his or her physical appearance. How is anyone supposed to know whether to swipe left or right if you haven’t even put up an image?
4. The Hottie With No Game
So you finally decide to swipe right because you come across a “diamond” in the rough. It’s now time to converse. You get past the boring “hey, how are you?” exchanges and move on to the nitty gritty. As you go deeper and deeper into the conversation, you start to ask yourself questions along the lines of, “Was this person dropped on his head as a child?” or “WTF am I getting myself into?” You immediately cease all contact and hopefully erase the app altogether.
5. The Mutual Friend
Sixty-five mutual friends? Well that’s awkward. You have no choice but to swipe left because you don’t want this person hitting up one of your mutual friends to ask about you. Who knows which of those 65 people he or she might ask and who knows how they are going to respond. You also don’t want your mutual friend to know that you have stooped so low to be using Tinder.
6. Your Friend
One of the funniest things Tinder has to offer is when it suggests someone you actually know in real life. Of course you swipe right, they’re your friend! This will usually lead to a sarcastic conversation where you pretend to be genuinely romantically interested. Next time you see each other in person, it gives you something to laugh about.
7. The Group Picture
Chances are you are the ugly friend in the photo and need a group picture to trap people into swiping right. This doesn’t work because everyone has you all figured out. If you need to resort to a group photo, obviously you are the ugly one. If you were attractive enough, you’d have a solo picture. Next please.
8. The Person Way Too Old To Be Using Tinder
Honestly Tinder should be reserved for people making the post-college transition. If you are 40 years old, divorced and have 2+ children, you most definitely should not be on Tinder. Try an online dating service or something more targeted for your age group. It’s really weird to browse Tinder only to find someone who could be your father, mother, grandma or grandpa.
9. The 18-Year-Old
That sh*t ain’t right. There is virtually no reason an 18-year-old who is in college should be using Tinder. Maybe it’s the summer and you are on a break from your ridiculous college scene, but honestly, just no. You can wait until you go back to college where everyone lives and hooks up in a black out state. Stop wasting everyone’s time.
10. The Actual Normal Person
For some reason, there are actually normal people using this app. Honestly, if you think about it, the app is a good idea and does have potential (I guess?). I know a few people who have actually met their partners on Tinder and are still dating. Not how I would personally choose to begin a relationship, but hey this seems to work for some people.