On average, people have sex 127 times per year; are you one of these people?
Within our generation, especially amongst the legally bar-attending college population, sex is the new definition of hookup. It is casual, expected immediately, and very common. Good ol' fashion “sex after marriage” and even “sex after love” has evaporated from our society. It is assumed that everybody does it, but when you assume anything at all, you only make an ass out of you and me.
Picture this. You are with your friends and talking about the girl or guy who was a solid ten that you banged last night from the bar. One friend is laughing that after the fact he found out that her roommate, who shared her room, was actually there, stayed quiet, and heard everything. I mean absolutely everything. Another girl is laughing about how her guy made her pasta butt naked after they were done (talk about being comfortable in your own skin).
But you have a secret. You cannot add anything to this conversation, so you just smile, nod and laugh when everybody else is laughing. You are the only one in your group of friends who is still a virgin. You cannot say that you have experienced the Big O (well, never experienced it from another person, that is...sometimes your hand can do the trick and that's okay too). You are unsure how everyone will react to this news, that you are a 21-year-old virgin.
The average male and female lose their virginity at age 16.9 and 17.4 respectively. This means that by the time you hit 21, if you do not fit this norm, you are considered an outlier within your elite clique of friends. However, the majority of your friends who are having sex in high school will never speak to these sex partners again. Why do high school teenagers have sex so young in the first place? Maybe they were dating and at the time thought it was true love.
Potentially they wanted to get it over with so they were ready for college…we all know it is hyped up to be this intense experience and we need to be prepared for it. Quite possibly you were attracted to their best friend and had sex, which turned out to be emotionless and not what you had hoped for, but at the time it was fun and you luckily stayed best friends for years to come.
Or maybe you never spoke again and you tore apart your entire high school clique forever, forcing people to take sides, situations vary. But regardless of their reasoning, once they moved on with their lives these previously sexually active peers of yours are currently in the same position as you are — still searching for that special someone.
According to the Durex Sexual Well-Being Survey, by age 20, 77% of respondents had had sex. This may sound intimidating and make you feel ashamed, but in reality there is nothing to be embarrassed about. There is nothing wrong with not putting out for the first “perfect ten” that comes your way for one night of excitement.
Maybe the hot girl or guy you met at the bar thinks you’re attractive and is into you, or wants to be in you. Instead of giving in, take the flattery, move forward, and let it boost your self-esteem. Somebody thinks you’re hot, enjoy the compliment! Besides, in comparison to women. twice as many men have orgasms, so if you’re a girl and waiting…keep on waiting. You have preserved your dignity and that is nothing to be humiliated about.
Everybody, those who are sexually active and those who are not, needs to take a step back and re-evaluate whom they are sleeping with. Most people feel uncomfortable in their own skin because we can see our own insecurities in a brighter light than other people can. For this exact reason you should be sleeping with somebody who makes you forget about these imperfections.
Wait for the person who makes you feel like you are better than the best and more than good enough. Who makes you feel like they are the luckiest person in the world because they are with you. Wait for the person who is not afraid to tell their friends about you in the most positive light. You should be sleeping with the person who brings a smile to your face by just thinking about them.
Only 44% of people are fully satisfied with their sex lives. This means that the majority of people are dissatisfied, so for the 21-year-old virgin out there, it really doesn’t seem like you are missing out on too much after all.
Nobody is saying that you should be locked in a room without any sexual intercourse besides your hand (but move along as you see fit for yourself, nobody is judging). We all have needs that must be satisfied, but there are plenty of ways to be intimate without sex. BE CREATIVE! Your bodies are capable of performing impeccable things and the human touch can be sensational.
Be original…the casual blow job in the staircase in your dorm or apartment building can be exhilarating.
Be kinky...69ing can be pleasurable and fun for both sides.
Be fun...and skinny dip in the campus pool after hours.
Be spontaneous… and live in the moment; pleasuring one another in a dressing room leaves you with an entire store of funky outfits to choose from. For that moment in time, you can be whoever you want to be.
There is such a variety of sexual activities that can you can partake in without sex. So for all of the 21-year-old virgins out there, you can still be the kinkiest, sexiest, interesting, most impressive and fun girl or guy your partner has ever seen. And you can always leave them wanting more. It is time to be proud to say you are not in a rush to get it in. Proud to say that societal pressure has not gotten the best of you and you are waiting for love. Proud to say you will know when the time is right, and that time is simply just not now. Proud to say you are not alone. And finally, proud to say you are a 21-year-old virgin.
Kayla | Elite.
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr