Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a day in prison with rival gangs? You know, just you, the Bloods and the Crips all hanging out deciding what to eat for dinner.
Well, I have never been to prison but my parents are divorced and still live in the same house together. When I visit them, I imagine it to be a lot like being in prison…with a lot less sex.
Regardless of living situation, being front row for your parents’ divorce is enough to misconstrue your view of love and life forever, no matter what your age. I put together a list of 10 things I have learned from my own parents’ divorce to help prepare anyone who might be going through the same unfortunate fate.
These are lessons of love and life, to avoid making the same mistakes my parents have and maybe yours, too.
1. Ladies, stop expecting so much.
There is no such thing as the perfect gentleman. What you see in a Ryan Gosling movie is entirely fiction – sorry to be the one to break it to you. There are good men, but they are not going to drop everything to cater to your every calling. Do not be needy. As humans, we are flawed. Your loved one will make mistakes and so will you.
*For the guys that believe I am wrong, stop lying to yourself. If you had a chance to go chill with your friends over seeing a ballet with your menstruating lady, you’d choose your friends every time.
2. Gentlemen, ditch the player mentality.
When you’re committed, there is no need to have a harem of women, or “stable of b*tches” for my confused pimps out there. There is no bottom b*tch, or main piece, either. Remember, you saw something in your partner that separated her from the rest of them for a purpose. Why give that up? Let’s be adults.
3. Never, ever, go to bed angry.
You never want to let an argument extend too long. Let’s be honest, when women are angry, they take small ninja-like jabs at their significant other. Men just explode and say offensive sh*t without thinking. When you go to bed angry, you give your argument eight hours to elevate. Talk it out, or talk it down before the next day begins on the wrong foot.
4. Children are the most dangerous weapons.
Parents will use every resource to prove which is better, including using the kids as nuclear warfare. If you are a child in the middle of a divorce, DO NOT choose sides. Who cares if your mother can buy you everything and your dad slept with his assistant. Life is short. Be grateful that the both of them are in your life.
5. Social media is the devil.
Ten years ago when there was a divorce, you didn’t know about it unless the couple told you, or the big mouth in the neighborhood told you. In 2013, idiots post every detail of their divorce on Facebook and Twitter even before the divorce papers are signed. When it comes to airing your dirty laundry or asking people to help solve your problems, stay away from social media. The likes you get are actually from people who think it’s hilarious that you’re humiliating yourself for the public to see.
6. No one controls anyone.
To go along with the 2013 trend, the human race has been progressing with equality. While it is easy to monitor your significant other via electronics, let’s not forget that everyone has a right to privacy and the freedom of choice.
7. Fresh perspectives are enlightening.
Go on a spur-of-the-moment road trip, or walk in the door and take your pants off for a round or two. Do something RANDOM. If the object of a relationship is to have a partner that is your best friend, then shouldn’t you want to do fun things together?
8. Keep your hobbies.
When it comes to a marriage, you’re essentially “stuck” with that person. You wake up together, have every meal with together, and even poop while in the bathroom together. Keep your individuality with alone time and time spent with friends. You never want to get tired of your partner so keeping those other friendships alive allows you both to continue to be the same person you each fell in love with in the first place.
9. Honesty is key.
It is one thing to be able to talk to your significant other; it is another to be honest. Make all communication honest. Tell each other how you really feel about things; debates are okay and actually quite healthy! By continuing to challenge each other, yet remaining honest, you are able to understand your partner better as you grow together.
10. Love and respect!
In the grand scheme of it all, this is actually quite simple. My parents failed to keep the love and respect for one another. If you just love one another unconditionally and respect each other’s decisions, everything else comes as second nature. Too many people rush love with lust and disregard building respect.
