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Before You Hit Send: The Ten Things You Should Consider When Taking Naked Photos

One of the best conversations often had in my workplace is on the topic of sending naked pictures: who sends them, whom do we send them to, best responses, and helpful hints.

This conversation usually leads to someone taking out their cell phone and showing off their “gems,” or the best pictures we’ve ever taken, which are the perfect combination of sexy, alluring, and best of all, thin. It doesn’t matter whom you’re talking to, the best compliment to hear from another girl is “you look so hot and SO skinny!”

This usually leads to us talking about the worst pictures we’ve seen: torn bras, dirty bedrooms, ungroomed…areas. So, after many, many conversations, here’s what I have discovered to be important bases to cover during those late night photo shoots.

Avoid taking pictures that include any identifiable tattoos or birthmarks, or you know…your face.

Not only is this a bad idea because there’s no way to deny who’s in the photo when it’s included, but also because worrying about a facial expression is really stressful. Are you supposed to smile? Are you supposed to look sexy? Are you supposed to make a duck face? That’s a lot of pressure.

Please, remember to groom!

I’m not going to tell you how to take care of your hair (some ladies like to keep it natural or somewhat natural, some prefer a landing strip, some prefer to keep it bald, but no matter what, this area deserves to be groomed…somehow.

If you’re including hands in the picture (covering up nipples, running it through your hair, inserting fingers in…an area), you should have your nails painted, at least. Seriously, if you know me, you know I’m a huge nails and eyebrow Nazi. And if you’re rolling your eyes thinking, “OMG, my nails? Seriously? That’s pretty superficial,” well, maybe you shouldn’t be taking superficial photos of your body, lady.

Think about the background of your picture.

Make sure your room is clean. Dirty clothes, teddy bears, or weird, unsexy objects shouldn’t be seen in the picture. If you’re taking the picture in the bathroom, don’t let the toilet be in your shot, seriously. You don’t want to create any visuals of you “using the bathroom” to clash with your “sexy” aura.

Be careful with the close-ups.

No one is going to be turned on by one, big-ass picture of your nipple. Holding your phone will only give you an arms-length distance (and it’s so uncool to see your arm holding your phone…so uncool), so download a self-timing app like TimerCam and prop it on a bookshelf. It gives you five seconds to get your sexy together.

Watch out for lighting and mirrors.

Harsh surgery room lighting will make even the prettiest vagina look like a flabby monster. Using the flash will also bleach out your skin and erase your face, arm, or boob, too. Try natural light, but if it’s not during the day, and usually it’s not, use soft lighting. I’m on the fence about filters. It’s a naked picture, not a portrait from a western saloon or the 1800s. If you’re going to use a filter, don’t overdo it.

Angles are your friends!

Unless you have really huge, perky boobs, or a fantastic Kardashian ass, you’re going to have to angle your picture. Like I mentioned, don’t include the arm you’re using to the hold up the camera because it’s going to look chunky.

If you take a picture from below, you’re going to look kind of wobbly, even if you’re thin. Keep your body tall and lean. If you hunch over, rolls of stomach fat are going to appear, and how can he see your vagina if it’s under stomach fat?!

Select a trusted friend and ask for her opinion.

This is one of those times when having good girlfriends is so important. A good friend will be be able to tell you if your right boob looks noticeably bigger than your left boob.

Lingerie is fun!

He won’t really care (his response will likely be “nice bra…now take it off”), but you’ll feel ten times sexier in a corset or a silk robe. It’s also one of the perks of being a woman and gives you a reason to shop. Indulge in lingerie!

Use other girls as inspiration.

There are only so many posing pictures you can think of on your own, and if you have a boyfriend (I really hope you’re sending these pictures to your boyfriend), you don’t want to these pictures to get really boring, really fast. Check out viral photos of women for some inspiration, or stalk one of your role models in some modeling shots. They know how to do it better than anyone.

When you’re finished, erase all the pictures from your phone.

You probably took 150 pictures trying to get that one great photo, and if you lose your phone, not only is your naked body out there for public consumption, so are all your unwanted pictures. That means some stranger (or worse, someone you know) will see the one where your back fat looks really prominent, or the one where your eyes look like they’re focused in two different directions.

At the end of the day, it’s probably in your best interest to not send any pictures to anyone. But since you’re probably going to go do it anyway and pray they won’t get leaked, you owe it to yourself to send the best naked picture of you possible. So, in the unfortunate case they do get out, you can be like, “Yeah, that’s me, and I look great.”