Run! The Signs You've Got A Stage-5 Clinger On Your Hands

by Ashley Fern

At one point in your life, you are going to encounter someone that you label a “creep.” This person is that guy or girl who just can’t seem to take a hint despite your best efforts. He or she will always think your encounters mean more than they do, and chances are he or she has defined the relationship from the first time you made out with him or her.

Sometimes you don’t realize these people are clingers until you’ve hooked up with them on numerous occasions. This definitely doesn’t work in your favor because the more you hang out with them, the better they think their chances are of dating you. Why they think that’s the goal in the first place, after being told it’s never going to happen, is beyond me...but hey, it happens.

Stop making excuses and cut the cord. How do you know if things have gone too far? Take a look below at the tell-tale signs of a stage-5 clinger.

The Texting Ratio Is Way Off

If I wanted to read a novel, I’d go to Barnes and Noble and pick up the latest James Patterson thriller. If you are responding to a one-sentence message with a five-sentence message, you need to reevaluate your life and get some help.

Do you literally have nothing better to do with your time than to sit on your phone and write the latest romantic comedy? This isn’t a good look for anyone, as it just makes you seem pathetic.

(S)he Initiates And Ends Every Conversation

If there isn’t a natural back and forth within conversations, it's clear that one person is way more into it than the other. The last thing you want to do is seem desperate and overbearing, so try not to start and end every conversation the two of you have. This is a clear indicator that someone is a clinger.

(S)he Acts Like You’re Dating Despite Everything You Say

American Pie 

One of the biggest problems with just hooking up with people is that they may think what’s going on means more than it actually does. Despite your best efforts to clarify that this “relationship” isn’t going anywhere outside the bedroom, this other person cannot seem to take a hint. If the person you are hooking up with has told you he or she does not want anything serious, do not think this is a challenge for you to change his or her mind.

(S)he Watches You From Across The Bar

What the literal f*ck. Why are you watching me like a parole officer? Go live your life and don’t pay any attention to what I’m doing because I sure as hell am not paying attention to anything you’re doing or who you’re talking to. This is just creepy for everyone involved. Just don’t do it.

(S)he Sends 10+ Unanswered Texts/Calls/Facebook Messages

It’s 2013 -- there’s no technological error that prevents me from seeing your messages. I am actively choosing to ignore you because you are so f*cking irritating.

I understand two texts or MAYBE even three, but after that, you are just embarrassing yourself. You aren’t going to redeem yourself by sending more, you are just digging yourself into a deeper hole that you have absolutely no chance of getting out of.

(S)he Constantly Asks To Make Plans With No Reciprocation

If you keep asking someone out and he or she is always saying no or making an excuse, take the f*cking hint and stop. If these people really wanted to spend time with you, they would rearrange their schedule to allow for it. As busy as people are, there is always time that can be made if a person really wants to do something. They would sacrifice their after work gym routine to hang out if that’s what they really wanted to do.

(S)he Shows Up To Places (s)he Knows You'll be, Without An Invite

Gossip Girl/CW

Just because I finally answered your 17th text telling you where I’m going that night does not mean you’re invited. This only means I’ve finally gotten around to answering your incessant messages. Unless you have explicitly been extended an invitation, do not think this is your cue to join in on the plans.

Top photo credit: Wedding Crashers