In Defense Of Gold Diggers: Why You Should Value Ambition Over Looks When It Comes To Finding A Partner

by Becky Rosa

One of the most prominent, yet under-acknowledged, issues in society is that many of us penalize someone for seeking a mate who is successful, ambitious and ultimately, more confident than Kanye West. Yet, it is standard procedure for us to turn down someone simply because he or she didn't hit the jackpot in the gene pool. If you agree, you might just be a “looks digger.”

What is a looks digger? Most of us have at least one friend who responds to news of your potential new partner by asking for a photo.

This, my friend, is a looks digger. Think, for a second, about just how pathetic and emotionally bankrupt it is to be interested in someone based upon the way he or she looks. It’s not a far cry from asking for a bank account balance — a request that will lead to moral questioning, and potentially, verbal assault. It is almost an intelligence flaw, or better yet, a lack of intelligence. Beauty has dominated since the beginning of time; think Anne Boleyn all the way to Angelina Jolie. The hot beginnings of looks-driven love affairs far too often lead to cold endings.

Even more so in today’s surgical, artificial climate, the importance of duck lips, rock-hard abs and long, luscious locks are seemingly as valuable as a kind heart and sense of humor. Our parents allowed us to mask the walls of our bedrooms with posters of scantily-clad celebrities, yet condescended to us with heart-to-hearts about the importance of never judging a book by its cover whilst seeking out our future mates. Hypocritical, wouldn’t you say?

When you pick a mate, you aren’t only picking for yourself, you are looking for the father or mother of your future children. I understand that perfectly sculpted abs, sleek, thick hair, spider legs and plumped lips might float your boat now, but when your husband is bald and chubby and your wife is wrinkled and sporting a non-symmetrical muffin-top, the only thing that will matter is the inner qualities he or she possesses. Being concerned with how someone looks is far more shallow than choosing someone for a level of intelligence, drive, parent-potential and ambition he or she possesses.

Let’s be honest, unless you’re Gisele Bündchen or David Beckham, looks don’t pay the bills at the end of the month or feed mouths at the end of a hard day — hard work and effort does that.

We live in a society that deems it acceptable to call a friend’s love interest “ugly,” yet calling him or her “broke” or a “deadbeat with no ambition” isn’t okay. In the future, instead of hanging your head in shame when you describe your ideal mate as a successful or ambitious being, say it proudly. Watch the criticism fly and the eyes roll, but watch their jaws drop, when you explain the deeper, more profound way behind how you seek and select people who you may, one day, call your spouse.

Could this article be the end of looks diggers around the globe? Probably not, but it’s a step in the right direction. Many will continue to pick their life partners based on looks alone and it’s probable that many of those relationships will fail sooner or later because they are built on hollow foundations. With a connection that is only skin deep, it is only a matter of time before the inner-self craves a deeper connection. Think of the sexual intimacy involved in dating someone new: rabid, yes, but often, as time passes, it dissipates in both quality and quantity.

So in future, before you judge a friend for seeking a well-established, highly-ambitious being or a person who values being a genuinely good person and helping others over that Botox appointment, question yourself. Question yourself for lacking the intellect and depth to understand the importance of picking a worthy mate whose repertoire extends further than turning heads every time he or she leaves the house.

Photo credit: We Heart It