Why You Should Never Trust Promises Made In Bed

by Lauren Martin

Love. Adoration. Lust. Attraction. One never actually knows what is going on between the sheets and under the haze of possible true love. It’s a jumble of feelings, emotions and whatever else comes with sex. It’s raw, animalistic and transcending moments that transform even the most rigid of people into warm lovers.

It's hard to gauge what happens in those hours curled up in each other. In your most exposed moments, what's real and what's just an illusion is as hard to grasp as the thick air around you. The declarations of love, secrets and the inevitable promises start slowly wavering in validity in the sobering hours of your separation.

"I will love you forever." "I want you to meet my parents." "Let's be together forever."

It's everything you wanted him or her to say, maybe more. But how much should you really take away from pillow talk?

Pillow talk -- a language all its own, the most intimate of conversations you’ve ever had while your face is pressed, half-smudged, against some fabric. It’s the most uninhibited, natural and possibly honest you’ve ever been with anyone. There’s no small talk, just real talk and everything you ever wanted to hear or to say to someone. It's that cushy stuff guys tell you when they are trying to get you to drop your pants again. It's the stuff girls says because they thinks it's what you want to hear. It’s the moment you believe that person will love you forever (or at least like you enough to hang out again).

Then, the drop happens. The next day, reality sets in and you’re wondering where that person is who loved you so much and asked you to spend the weekend with him or her? Where are the follow-throughs on all the plans and promises?

As my lawyer would put it, “The defendant was induced under circumstances that made him/her unable to think rationally.”

Unfortunately, those words in bed don’t hold up in real life. It’s a sad truth, but you can’t trust everyone’s feelings after having spent minutes, hours or days wrapped around another human. People have the ability to let their guards down for moments, but not for the next day, and certainly not for you.

They were momentarily intoxicated and said things they didn’t mean or want to admit. They are as responsible and level-headed as the girl dancing on the counter, six shots deep and two slaps of the wine bag.

Okay, so they didn’t mean it because they were caught up in the moment. Does this give them the right to say things then take them back? Does this give them an excuse for deceiving you and leading you to a broken heart? Does this mean everything was a lie? Unfortunately, what it boils down to is, can you judge them anymore than you can a drunk for their actions?

They were drunk -- drunk off you, and you off them. Reality was just a distant memory and the moment was the only thing that mattered. It was the first beautiful experience they had in a while (hopefully). They may have deceived you later, for the person they hide behind to the world, but it doesn’t mean they weren’t honest with you when the clothes were off and the sheets spread.

They probably did feel those things, did crave your affection and attention, did think they loved you. Then reality set in and words became just words. Their former desires and ideals took precedence again and their promises, actions and declarations are just a fleeting memory of a good night.

They may be a bit embarrassed, the way a semi-lucid drunk remembers parts of the night, but they assume it was all in good fun. And it was, wasn’t it? Sex is always better when it’s with someone you care about, and vice versa. So why not act the part, if only for a moment? Why not give the person a taste of the whole package? While that may sound deceitful when explained on paper, no one’s ever thinking maliciously while in bed with someone. No one is hatching evil plans to break hearts and lead on the innocent.

Their feelings of love and adoration are real, if only for a few seconds. Like fleeting love, you must never take bedside promises seriously. Learn to hear it, enjoy it and let it go. Because words are just words, empty or not. I know this. I break my promises all the time.

Photo credit: Chris Craymer