Sex Is Like Girl Scout Cookies: Why A Woman Should Be More Selective Of Who She Bakes For

by Lauren Doyle

The idea for this post came about by accident. By accident, I mean I received a text from a woman, which was intended for a guy.

What I read shocked me. She was discussing their upcoming first date, and ended the itinerary plans by saying, "It'll be fun. We'll build up tension for what will come."

Say what?! Did she just insinuate plans to sleep with him before they'd even met?

If this is how girls communicate, it's no wonder why modern dating is collectively f*cked.

I see sex like Girl Scout cookies. (No, I'm not high.) Girl Scout cookies are coveted by almost everyone. We look forward to their season and anticipate being approached by cookie sellers.

We look over the menu and place orders in reflection of our favorite flavors (some more glutinous than others). Then, we must wait weeks before receiving the delivery.

There's no sampling. Girl Scouts don't knock on our doors offering bites of cookies to see which ones we like before placing our orders. Why? We'd fill up after sampling 12 varieties, thank them for stopping by and being so cute, then shut the door.

That's what men do with women who feed them cookies without ever turning on an oven. We can't blame men for liking cookies, especially since we, women, like cookies, too.

At this point, you probably already know your taste in cookie. You're willing to pay a good sum of money for a Bouchon chocolate chip, because you know it's worth.

That doesn't mean you won't eat a complimentary oatmeal raisin from Walmart that's sitting on the office counter if the opportunity presents itself. Maybe you had a bad day, maybe you're just hungry, but you eat the cookie.

It's probably picked over and stale, and you'll most likely regret it afterwards, but you can't say no.

So what advice can we take from our Girl Scout friends? Don't give away your cookies! First, allow your buyers to admire your fashionable ensemble. You look really cute in your uniform; work it. Then, lead with your words and make the sale.

Then comes the fun part: Make them wait.

Your cookies will be on their mind until you deliver them. You have the power because you have the cookies. There's always going to be that one Girl Scout: the girl who strategically tries to sell more cookies than you.

Let her.

If I'm going to eat calories, I want to make sure they're custom-made for me. Cookies sold on the street were likely purchased in excess, without a specific buyer in mind, so who wants them? Keep your cookies.

I only bake for men who are worthy of my time. The better the baked goods, the longer the prep time, and I'd rather have a man who prefers the intricacies of a macaroon.

Once I start baking for a man, he soon realizes his palette extends far beyond a basic chocolate chip cookie. He likes cupcakes, pie, muffins, danishes and my favorite, chocolate-covered strawberries.

You see, it's not just the cookies. Anything coming from this bakery, he'll enjoy.

Photo via We Heart It