It's All About Timing: Your Guide To Determining When You Should Give It Up

by Tiffany Clark

The time has finally come; you’re ready for a real relationship again.  You’re not looking to settle for a schmuck, or to be played by a douchebag.  You want the best catch there is. But how do you compete with girls who willingly get down and dirty after a few drinks? It’s simple: You don’t compete.

Sure, men like the easy girls, but they love the classy ones that make them put in the time and effort; they love the chase. Men are prideful creatures, and when they’re made to work hard to achieve a rewarding outcome, they respect and cherish it more. This holds true for most aspects of a man’s life, including the woman he chooses to keep by his side.

I have discussed this topic with many men and not a single one has ever told me that he wants to date the girl that he could bang on the first night, or even in the first week. Although it does happen and I have seen it happen, it is extremely rare for a relationship to blossom from a one-night stand.

Once you’re ready to date again, being single turns into a waiting game. You wait until a guy pursues you, instead of one of those DTF girls. You finally have his interest, exchange numbers, and you’re hanging out -- possibly even going on dates! This has now turned into the critical phase.

If/when you decide to have sex with him, it can either pave the way for an exclusive relationship between you two, or shut the whole thing down. So, how long should you wait to have sex with a new guy? After much contemplating, I have managed to break down “the waiting game” into three time frames. Here they are:

One Day To One Week

If you’re seriously considering having sex with your new guy during this time frame, you might as well throw in the towel now. You've barely gotten to know each other on a deep and meaningful level. He has not had ample amount of time to gain respect for you, nor has he put in much effort to get to genuinely know you. If you want a real relationship and not just a f*ck buddy, it’s best to not give up the goods during this time period.

If all you want is sex, then by all means go for it.  If not, be bold and let him know he’s not getting it that easy. If he bails on you, then you know exactly what he was after in the first place. Also, don’t ever think it’s your fault or be upset if he bails. Remember, beautiful men are a dime a dozen and there’s another one waiting for you right around the corner.

Two Weeks To Three Weeks

You two will be spending a lot of time together and probably even getting a little intimate in this time frame. He’ll take you out on dates, possibly spend lots of money and time on you, and you’ll likely even meet his friends and get to know all of them. Everything seems to be going well and you’re wondering if now is the right time to let him have all of you.

This is the trickiest of time frames because you will grow attached to him emotionally. This tends to be the point where we, as women, fail. We fail to recognize that it takes much longer for a man to become emotionally attached than it does for a woman. Even if the guy is spending money on you, it doesn't matter.

Money is not an emotion and many men will not care to drop large sums in the first few weeks. Females are naturally emotional creatures so it’s obvious that we would become attached first. Men at this point are usually at the start of opening up to a woman, but still not emotionally invested. You could have sex with him at this point and he might stay with you, but if you aren't sure, then why chance it?

One Month And Longer

At this point, you two will be spending many days a week together, probably even spending many nights sleeping over each other’s places, making the sexual tension very difficult to keep at bay. During this month of no sex, you two will hopefully manage to talk about who you both are on a deeper level. You will possibly even see sides of each other that aren't the best, yet will still be seeing each other.

Throughout my many conversations with men about this topic and having experienced each of these three time intervals for myself, I find it safe to say that most men take about a month of spending “meaningful” time with a woman before they feel attached. If he has gone through a month or more of spending sex-less time with you and you both still want to keep seeing each other, the odds are he’s probably not going to leave you after you sleep with him. Working towards a meaningful relationship is like building a house. You can’t just build a house anywhere on a whim. You have to plan it, build a foundation, structure the framework, and then build the house and add everything else that goes with it.

Even if you aren't looking for a relationship, yet, it can still be a good thing to add some structure to your love life. Most men are not the “bad guys” we try to avoid. Many times they are bad because we allow them to be and don’t set boundaries. The truth is, women hold the power, and once we start realizing this as a whole, men will have no choice but to become chivalrous again.

This is just a brief guideline to a majority of men that I have found to work for many ladies -- not every man is the same. Remember, a man’s time is precious to him, so if he’s willing to spend it with you doing more than just sleeping over at each other’s places, it’s up to you to as a woman to see where it can go from there. Steer your relationship in whatever direction you please.

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