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How To Take A Vagina Picture Without Worrying It's Too Awkward

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Dick pics are a dime a dozen (unsolicited or otherwise). You can't throw an iPhone without hitting one. It's as if knowing how to take a pic of a peen is coded into the male DNA. I mean, that's just science.

More rare, and therefore more awesome, is the illusive vagina pic. They are less common in part simply because taking a photo of your lady bits is a bit more complicated logistically. Not to mention, if you're gonna send it, you want it to look amazing — so you really need to know how to take a vagina picture properly.

I'm a firm believer that there is no wrong way to have a vagina, but there are definitely wrong ways to take a pussy pic. Truthfully, whoever's the lucky recipient of the picture is not going to care… they'll just be so excited to get it at all. But you will care. To help you avoid these honey pot pitfalls, I've compiled a list of the most common mistakes we make when taking photos south of the equator. You want to feel confident when you hit send on that special delivery. So here's what to avoid when the time comes to snap that puss.

1. Worrying It Isn't “Pretty” Enough

Thais Ramos Varela/Stocksy

Let's just get this out of the way right off the top: Your vagina is beautiful. Full stop. There's no wrong way to have a vagina. You don't hear dudes crying about their homely balls, do you? No, because the world hasn't told them they should. And that's just sexist bullsh*t. Reject that garbage and don't internalize it.

Your vagina is dazzling; it belongs on gallery walls, magazine covers, and a billboard in Times Square. It's that amazing. OK, glad we're done with that nonsense. Moving on…

2. Using Bad Lighting

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Ask any photographer what's the most important factor in getting a good shot and they will tell you it's all about the lighting. The same goes for vagina pics. Unless you're at the OBGYN, avoid harsh lights on your lady bits. Instead, look for soft natural light or candle light to really make a pussy pic shine.

3. Including Your Face

Thais Ramos Varela/Stocksy

Unless you relish the idea of your future employers, in-laws, religious leaders, the president of the PTA, and your mom seeing this pic, don't include your face in it. We live in the era of social media, Google, and revenge porn. So do yourself a favor and keep all identifying features out of the frame. Your recipient will still love it just as much, and you'll be blackmail-material-free.

4. Forget About Grooming

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Listen, I'm not here to bush shame anyone. If going full bush is your speed, I am here for it. But you didn't go to school picture day without running a comb through your hair, did you? Same goes for photographing your V. If you shave or wax, do so. If you don't, be sure to address your under-coif, if you know what I'm sayin'.

5. Doing The Photoshoot In The Bathroom

Marija Savic/Stocksy

Things no one said ever: “Damn, that toilet is hot.” We've all gotten into the habit of bathroom selfies because mirrors and good lighting. But when it comes to snapping your map of Tasmania, change your location. If privacy is what you're after, the bedroom works just great. The bathroom, not so much.

6. Taking Only One Shot

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If you're anything like me, your phone is full of self "photoshoots." Sure, when you post it on Instagram it's like it was an effortless, single-shot miracle. But we know better. The same goes for when you're snapping the thunder down under. Maybe you're nervous and you just wanna get it over with, so you take one and — bam — you're done. Nope. Take your time, take a million shots, and narrow it down to your favorite, and then delete the rest. Practice makes perfect.

7. Trying Only One Pose

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If this is your first time taking pics of your lady bits, you may feel a bit awkward. Here's the key: Try lots of different poses. Get creative and learn which angle you like best. Open, closed, doggy style, a brand new pose you invent… whatever you like best, the important part is to be creative and experiment. You may be surprised at which one speaks to you.

See, taking the perfect V pic isn't so hard after all!

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