How To Get Over Someone You Hooked Up With But Didn't Actually Date

by Alison Segel

Feel incredibly connected to that one-night stand you had, or guy you hooked up with only a few times but never saw again? Well, there's actually a scientific reason for that.

According to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, sex motivates you to disclose some of your deepest, darkest secrets (turns out it's not just the booze!) and that intimacy can lead you to want to see one another again.

I've always thought having sex on the first date was a great idea!

But why are we more likely to spill our secrets? Well, researchers found it has to do with evolution — we want to feel close to people we have sex with because there's a chance we could procreate with them.

However, in 2017, I am not trying to procreate and run away into the sunset with that Tinder right swipe.

However, due to science (thanks, science! I'm blaming you Bill Nye!), I do feel bizarrely close to him now because I told him all about my childhood trauma during our one-night stand. And now, I stalk him on Instagram every day, wondering if he is going to call.

Clearly, it's now going to be a little harder to get over this hookup, even though I know it's likely nothing will come of it.

So what can you do to get over someone you hooked up with but didn't actually date? Here are a few tips.

1. Mute, Block, and Unfollow

Unfollowing is self-care! Blocking in self-preservation! Muting is self-love!

There is absolutely no need to keep following that guy you keep wondering about, but have no chance at a relationship with. You're creating false expectations and living in fantasy land, when you could be out in the world learning a second language, starting your own business, or just binge-watching your favorite TV show.

You might feel close to him because you shared an intimate conversation (which was real — science!), but that doesn't mean it was meant to last more than one night.

So mute, block, unfollow, and go on with your life. He won't notice. And if he has one of those apps on his phone that lets him know when someone unfollows him, it's a good way to tell that he's a narcissist.

2. Download Dating Apps

Get a distraction.

You don't need to go on a bunch of dates or immediately have another one-night stand to get over him (because if you spill your guts to a new guy, this will just become a cycle), but having a distraction or realizing you can form a connection to multiple people — not just one — can sometimes be beneficial.

It's like the digital version of when Stella got her groove back. If Stella Got Her Groove Back was written today, she would have reluctantly downloaded a dating app and accidentally matched with a 21-year-old.

3. Distinguish Fantasy From Reality

Get realistic about your relationship. Was it a relationship at all?

It's easy to create fantasy relationships and fantasy boyfriends. You can also fall in love with whom you want someone to be, or what you think a relationship could be, instead of what it actually is.

Stop sugar-coating it, and get real. Realize that, sometimes, a hookup is just a hookup, and that is totally OK. It's fun and flirty, and not everything has to mean something. Take the night for what it was, and move on to the next thing.

So next time you feel connected to that guy you only hooked up with a few times, remember there's actually a scientific justification for that.

But it doesn't mean that it's meant to be a relationship, or that he could be "the one." So use some of these tips to help you get over him, because that false sense of intimacy is probably just evolution talking.