I Don't Have Sex Because I'm Horny, I Have It To Feel Something

One of the hardest parts about being single is you never know when you're going to get laid next. I always surprise myself at just how long I can go without feeling the "need." (After all, when you're not having it regularly, you don't miss it much at all.)

But when I do feel the need, it feels like a pinch at the waist, or like a needle in my arm. It comes on fast and seemingly unprovoked, and I find I have to do something about it immediately.

Perpetual singles all know that part of being single means you have to get used to a very particular way of living. You get used to not being touched, but it's a bittersweet sort of thing.

It's not always the healthiest thing to get used to — so I personally force myself to NOT get used to it.

When you're single, you have to put in the extra mile to feel things you wouldn't otherwise feel, see things you wouldn't otherwise see and treat yourself the way you wouldn't otherwise be treated. Somehow, you have to find enough courage to try new dance classes, book trips to countries halfway across the world and pamper yourself on days you just want to be taken care of by someone else.

When you're single, you have to go the extra mile to feel human.

When you're single, you have to go the extra mile to feel human.

There's no one around to push you, so you have to push yourself. You drink too much, exercise too hard and work past the point of fatigue, all to feel something... anything.

You do all that and, for a while, it works. Well, it works until you crack, despite your best efforts to distract yourself from that ONE THING we're all here because of, that ONE THING we all think about when we aren't doing it: sex.

Until that moment, you're half-drifting through life, living moment-to-moment trying to make each as exciting as the next. Life becomes routine, and living a lively life can begin to feel exhausting.

But sex never fails to make me feel alive.

Sex challenges us: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sex helps us communicate things we don't know how to say. Sex makes us feel powerful, and then hands that power to someone else. Sex helps us express things we've suppressed for so long.

Sometimes, when you've been single for a long time, you even flinch at a sober touch because it's your first sober touch in months.

Sex helps us express things we've suppressed for so long.

I couldn't care less about the orgasm. I enjoy sex because I enjoy being put in a position of passion and a position of vulnerability. I enjoy being in a position where – despite the fact that you've placed yourself at your own volition – you inevitably fall at the hands of someone else.

So much of life is being in control: of your job, of your finances, of who's special enough to be in your world.

I have sex to be thrown off-guard. I have sex so that, for a few sweet moments, I can actually miss what it feels like to be in control.

Sex is a form of self-expression, and we often underestimate just how important self-expression is. Painting a picture and writing an essay are definitely methods of self-expression, but they just aren't the same as sex.

This is why it's so important – even when you're single – to stay in tune with your sexual self, even if it means with JUST yourself. Because when we have sex, we tap into ourselves in a special kind of way.

It's a Saturday night. I'm lonely and horny, but more than anything, I'm just bored.

When I have sex as a single woman now, I begin to feel less and less disconnected and zombie-like.

I begin to feel more and more connected.

Alive.

Horny? Forget horny. I just wanted to feel human.