Stocksy

How To Guarantee A Follow-up Bang

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Guys – you’ve been there before: you meet a girl and you’re hitting it off. She’s giving you the hair toss, arm touch and the suggestive smile – all signs are pointing to sex. You suggest that you take the party somewhere more private, and she mentions that her apartment is close by.

You then go on to have an evening of fantastic sex. The next morning, you wake up thinking – damn, I’m the shit! Last night was awesome, I’d really like to tap that again, yet your texts and calls to your frisky sex kitten go unanswered, so you ask yourself – What did I do wrong?

I’m pretty sure you committed one of the following first bang sins. If you want to guarantee a follow-up fuck, please read and learn.

Manscaping

We all know you guys love the feeling of empowerment when we suck your cock. Granted, a lot of girls love sucking cock – it gives them their own sense of empowerment in return. Hey! It’s win-win! Now, imagine if a first-time bang is eagerly moving downtown, unzipping your fly with her teeth…only to be greeted by an overgrown and unkempt forest of pubic hair.

Now, we all know flossing is an important part of every girl’s dental hygiene routine, but even the most resourceful sluts rarely think – hmm, how can I make the most effective use of my time down here? I know! I’ll suck cock AND floss at the same time!

I’m not saying get a back sack and crack wax guys, we’re just asking for a bit of a trim on a regular basis, because nothing is more of a turn-off than when we come up for air and end up hocking up a hairball.

Premature Ejaculation

We love that you find us so sexy and are so turned on by us, and a first-time fuck is extra exciting because you’ve literally spent the entire night engaging in foreplay. However, great sex for us involves a little more than 3 thrusts and then a man simulating an epileptic fit.

We know that penetration is the be all and end all – it’s great for us too! But no girl is going to come within a minute of having a cock in her. Please guys – think of a distraction while you’re pumping away. Anything from baseball to vomit to your parents banging – it’ll help you last longer.

Inappropriate Ejaculation

We know you guys love porn, and some of us actually enjoy watching it, too! Porn can be very educational in that it teaches you new tricks to implement in the bedroom. However, you must also remember that porn isn’t real – they’re pornstars acting out a scene for your sexual enjoyment.

So please don’t think – hey, in that recent porn I watched, that plumber came into fix the horny housewife’s drains and ends up banging her and blowing it on her face, and she loved it! Listen, we don’t really love you blowing on our face.

It stings when it gets in our eyes, and really fucks up our carefully applied make-up. We’ve only just met, and coming on my face is really more of a fifth date proposition. If you’re desperate to come on our face, please ASK beforehand. Imagine if we just assumed you like golden showers and peed on you mid sex – wouldn’t you be like WTF?

The Fuck and Fly

Nothing makes us feel more like a whore than when you pull out and immediately start to get dressed. We’re not asking you to stay the night and cuddle with us, we’re just asking for a little respect. You spent the entire evening wooing us, and now that you’ve gotten what you wanted, you don’t need to turn into a complete douche. Is it too much to ask for you to lie in bed with us for 10 minutes and talk about how amazing the sex was?

If you really have to leave at least leave some cash on the bedside table. I'm pretty sure it still costs money to use someone for sex.

Wet Patch

We say we always practice safe sex, but even the most cautious woman gets caught up in the heat of the moment and finds herself riding bareback. While nothing beats skin on skin contact, the end result can get a little messy, and if she didn’t swallow, ultimately your sheets will end up an area damp with your man juice.

If you are one of those male anomalies that do end up spending the night, please be a gentleman and sleep on the wet patch.  You should be happy to sleep on it because you just got laid. If I didn’t swallow your cum, what makes you think I want to lie in it afterwards?

Ultimately guys, it’s all about respect. Nothing pisses a girl off more than when you’ve been a complete gentleman all evening, and then post or mid fuck you completely ignore her well-being. If you treat a woman well, she will always want to come back for seconds.

@_Trophy_Wife

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