I'm not one of those girls who's outspokenly confident about many things. I lay awake at night, tossing and turning with acute fear that my nipples are disproportionate to my size A boobs.
I'm also very insecure when it comes the art of saving money. I deeply fear I'm incapable of saving money and it plagues me everyday of my life.
But baby, I'm confident in this: I can fucking kiss, kittens!
In all seriousness, I've been an avid, highly-praised, enthusiastic kisser since the sixth grade.
Back in my wild, 20-something days, I was the kind of girl who would go home with a random woman at the bar — not to have sex, but to kiss. Kiss for hours and hours and hours, until the sun came up.
All those kissing sessions — all those lips that graced my lips in my 30 years on planet Earth — have made me a surefire kissing expert.
For almost a decade, I've been pretty much exclusively kissing only women, as I'm a giant (well small, technically), rainbow-unicorn-kissing lesbian.
And since I've kissed both girls and boys, I've come to realize that girls tend to inherently understand the intricate art of the kiss in a much deeper, more profound way than these boy creatures.
So boy creatures (or any creature that want to master the art of the kiss, I don't gender discriminate), here are my exclusive kissing tips that I've garnered from years and years and years of kissing all night long.
Close Your Eyes
When you're kissing, you must keep your eyes closed.
I'm a huge fan of intentional eye-contact, but kissing is not the time to gaze into her eyes. You can look first, but close them before you go in for the kiss. It's just manners, babes.
It's jarring, off-putting and downright creepy to briefly open your eyes when you're being kissed to find that your partner is staring at you, without blinking, like a serial killer.
Kissing is intimate. It's the great escape from the cruel, cold, world. You need to shut your lids in order to really tap into your senses. Which leads me to my next tip...
There is nothing in the great expanse of the world that is more madly sensual than kissing.
Think about it: you're actively tasting the inside of another person's MOUTH (a wildly intimate orifice) with your TONGUE (a wildly intimate body part).
You're ~feeling~ the texture of her tongue with your tongue. Every single sense is ignited.
So now is the time to get sensual.
We screw up kissing when we're stiff and trying too hard, putting too much effort into turning our partners on (PSA: Sexy is all about being effortless).
PSA: Sexy is all about being effortless.
You might think your rabid tongue jabs are getting her hot and heavy, but I can confidently assure you that it's doing the opposite.
You need to start slow. Feel your feet grounded into the earth. Get out of your head and lose yourself in the touch, taste, smell and feel of it all. Really feel the body and the energy of the person you're kissing.
You have to tap into your primal self, strip yourself of your intellect and become raw instinct. So how do you get there Lesbian big Sis, Zara?
Well, darling, first notice the texture of her lips, the texture of her hair.... wait, hair? How did I get to hair?
Because you need to be touching her hair as you kiss. Allow me to explain in tip 3...
Always Keep Your Hands Moving
A wise woman once told me that the key to being a good lover is to always keep your hands moving. She's right, and it's true when it comes to kissing.
You can't just stand stiff and stick your tongue into her gorgeous mouth unless you're fully engaged with her gorgeous body as well. Kissing doesn't just happen between the lips. Kissing is a full-body act, baby!
The movement should start before you go in for the kiss. Stroke her hair. Not in a creepy, aggressive way, but just sort of gently. Put another hand around her waist. Stroke the sides of her waist.
Kissing doesn't just happen between the lips. Kissing is a full-body act, baby!
And BAM, go in for the kill. As you're kissing, your hands should constantly be moving. Start slowly rubbing her back and getting your hands entangled in her hair (very hot), and progressively pick up speed as the heat and the passion escalates.
Be A Tease
Don't start aggressively slobbering all over her like a rabid dog who just got his paws on his beloved bone.
Women need to be warmed up. Women need to be ~teased~. You can't cook a fucking cupcake without heating the oven first, you know?
Start by kissing her really slowly. Be subtle, and no big tongue movements.
As you feel her getting more heated and more passionate, make sure you stay calm. Nothing gets a woman riled up like you not giving her what she wants right away.
In fact, pull away, and pull her back in. I promise you this works every time.
When she's really going crazy— maybe moaning even, and starting to pull you closer into her body — then you can start going faster.
You can start letting those kisses evolve from sweet to sexy.
Remember, There Is An Ebb And Flow
Do not keep the rhythm of your kiss the same for the entire kissing session. Think of kissing like dancing at a club, with a really good DJ.
A good DJ will take you slow and steady to fast and rhythmic to soulful and sexual to slow and steady again!
The best kisses are multifaceted, like a playlist. They shift moment to moment.
The best kisses are multifaceted, like a playlist.
They take you to a million different places and make you feel a million different things. They make you feel warm and soft. Like you want more. They turn you on. They make you feel animalistic, passionate, romantic, back to warm and soft again.
So, if there's anything I want you to take away from my kissing tips, it's this: Kissing should always tell a story.
Feel free to message me your kissing tips or kissing questions.
(Oh, and check out my video of oral sex tips! Oh yes! You'll be pretty amazed to find kissing and oral are not really that different. Once you can master one, you can totally master the other.)